last day in Corporate Planning

took photos with some of the colleagues b4 i left:


Mimura-san & me


Kana-san & me; she's my supervisor/fren



from left, Yatabe-san, me & Tokeshi-san. they're from finance..


2 of the handsome guys on our level, Inaba-san on my right and Tanaka-san on my left. the cutest one was occupied when i was leaving and i couldn't take a picture with him.. :X

929th post

erh.. wah didn't really keep count of my posts and realised that when i noticed the count it seemed so far away to 1000 posts.

yesterday whipped up pasta with octopus and mushrooms. pretty good. then studied . played online games until evening when he was supposed to have dinner and suddenly his brother calls at 5pm and asks him to go home becos it was his mom's bday. !! i mean, its ok if you tell me ahead but how am i supposed to be "oh Yay!" about it suddenly having to eat dinner myself? of cos i can't be mad either since it's his mom bday, not like he was meeting his friends or wat. .. but am i just supposed to keep quiet about everything? i was very disappointed but haiz. i guess i've resigned myself to such sudden changes from him.

anyway..picture of my new bedsheets

makes my bed look so new! and it was so comfortable last night..... (^-^)

lazy sunday

ok we made up and went out shopping yesterday.. wanted to look for a sling bag for work and also another pair of jeans since my jeans were wearing out (too thin for winter) and some tops also. so we went shopping and in the end i got a pair of Levi's with the heart shaped pockets (they were the cheapest designs in the shop!) and basically the same price as jeans with no brands in Japan also haha. ALso bought bedsheets when i saw the cute designs they had at The Loft a dept store which had like almost everything.. bought a Monopoly PC game too and it looks quite cooL! oh well great shopping trip but ay.. no bag yet. couldN't see anything i really like so probably will take a look elsewhere tomorrow. i realise that since brand name items cost the same as normal items here, might as well get the brand if i have to spend the money anyway huh. yupz. ok thinking up menu for today.. men are hard to please. (>.<)

half drunk

half drunk now. drank almost a whole cup knit of johnnie walker red label . (90% johnnie walker and 10% coke) tastes　like shit. but i really don't wanna think bout anything now. he'S angry at me . and he is the one in the wrong. what the hell. no sorry no anything. fuck him. not coming at least have the balls to just say not coming. this is it. i hate waiting and i seriously cannot tolerate this anymore. if he thinks i am going to say I'M sorry for nothing anymore he's got it wrong.

Baby fever!

i went to see a colleague's baby last night. she was soooooo cute! (talking bout both inoue-san and the baby here hehe)


Inoue-san carrying the tiny baby



the baby waving her tiny arms

ahhhh.. and then she told us all about the birthing process and what happens after that. it sounded so horrible!! for her it was ok, it didn't hurt that bad but the processes leading up to it seemed like it was really gross.. and i was like thinking she's 34 already, when her kid is like me, she is already 54! thats like OLD!! i better have a kid latest by 27.. i mean my mom is like only 46 and she already got one kid off her hands already (me!) .. isn't that good? mm yah.. so i better plan my life properly soon. but a baby is like a humongous responsibility! she was saying she didn't really like kids and it was not that joyful when she discovered she was pregnant but she couldn't possibly go for abortion or something since she was married and the husband did want a child and she wasn't that young anymore .. ah well.. but all's well.. she has a really cute baby! yay!!

hee hee.. me and my sup (colleague) are surfing the net for skincare/cosmetic products now .. naughty naughty!

i've finished my work actually, just doing nothing now.. and she was asking me about buying cosmetics for winter and i was like HUH? just for winter buy cosmeticS?! then she explained its cos the weather will be very dry etc. not just that every season buy new cosmetics.. hehe.. i was like phew! hehe.. tot she had gone bonkers or that she had too much money to spend. so was surfing around and looking at prescriptives website and stila and clinique websites. stila has no jap website, neither does prescriptives.. but i love prescriptives stuff.. so far never gave me any problems b4.. but seriously she was right.. have to protect my skin .. maybe this weekend will go take a look.

next weekend / PH , going to 温泉　(onsen) .. yay ! haven't decided which yet.. but it would be a good weekend cos our pay is finally going to be here next week too! and cos of the singapore dollar strengthening or something, our pay is like \26,000 more than last quarter.. thats about S$500 more! woohoo! woohoO! so that money is going to pay for my trip bah wahaha..

received parcel from my family le.. thank you thank you! can eat my maggi mee again.. yay.. mm fyi i haven't eaten maggi mee for very long le.. only at most a packet a week k.. unless i feeling super lazy. i am so hungry now thinking of food i better go back.. ciaoz!

環境の変幻

changes everywhere.

haiz. happy birthday dad..

mm. at a loss for words here.

.
..
...

hmm.. seriously at a loss for words. maybe i'll just blabber anything that comes into my mind.

oh i just spoke to my new supervisor and he's pretty nice. my first impression of him was at the welcome party in january. at that time he could only speak jap, i think he still can only speak jap but i had nothing to say to him and we were just there smiling awkwardly after the introductions. mmm. at least now i can understand what he is saying. yay! and he was so nice. i had wanted to take a holiday on Ryo's bday and i hadn't been able to bring it up here b4 they decided to kick me out (GRR! yah i know its not like that but i just can't help but feel that it must be my fault somehow that they all been keeping this dept change thing from me. its kinda mean.. to just suddenly drop the bomb that i am going to say bye to all these people that i've finally grown to be comfortable with .. is it cos they don't like me? will they just forget bout me after i am gone? and so on. was so sad i cried myself to sleep last night. .... ) anyway. regarding the holiday. mm yah.. my current supervisor came with me to the meeting and she was supposed to bring it up but she seriously isn't very helpful and told me to ask myself when i looked pleadingly at her. .... grrrr... and then i had to ask in a very round (wan zhuan) way and he was like oh holiday? sure! as long as u tell me b4hand and not one shot LONG holiday can le .. wah so nice right?! i like my new supervisor already. hee hee.. which put me in a pretty good mood for the rest of the afternoon.

did i mention we had a pretty big fight on sunday evening? which caused me to have a cold and i couldn't stop sneezing and i had to go to work all swollen-eyed on Monday. and then to have to hear the bad news of a transfer which made my eyes leak more. boohoo..... but i dunno why he didn't hug me when i was crying at first and he just sat there looking cold and like a stone and i was feeling really shitty. until after i in a fit of anger, gave him his bday present in advance and he was like oh. and i think he prolly melted a little (his present was a ferragamo belt k!!) and he asked if i was cold and i said i was and he went to close the drapes and then he went back to like sit down far away. non-touchable distance actually. then i was like mumbling "if u ask i cold why dun come hug me/make me warmer?" and he came over and i just started crying into his arms. dunno why i just couldn't stop. and then he just let me cry onto his shoulders while he stroked my back and saying sorry the whole time. (T.T) haiz. actually i don't know why i was crying. i was homesick i supposed, much more than i thought i was and i was pretty stressed worrying about what would happen to us when i go back. and it makes me more stressed that he doesn't seem to have given thought to the matter at all. haiz.

i just read through what i wrote here and i realised i sound like eleen khoo. yikes. bad. i better stop talking like a 16 year old. hee hee..

seriously, i will be very sad next week when i have to move away from this office. no more cute guys in suits. both of my favourite cute guys (not Ryo hehe ) are in my building and one is on my level while the other one is like on the 7th flr. so the one on my level is from IT and i always catch him looking in my direction (becos he is facing my direction like 10m away wahahahaha duh! ) and when i turn my head i can see him immediately too. unfortunately, i have not spoken to him at all except good morning. (#^-^#) hey .. beneath this chirpy talking i am very shy with strangers in reality ok!? stop sniggering!! .. anyway, the other guy in the 7th floor is from HR and he's new. i've spoken to him on the phone in the office becos he calls to make interview appt on my boss' schedule. haiz. boring .. only work. and oso other than that good morning. he looks like a host (male escorts in japan are called hosts hehe..) and he is always impeccably dressed and very smiley in the cool way *swoons* and clean cut too. (*^-^*) i nv fail to blush when i see him. argh. once i bumped into him at the 7-11 i almost tripped and fell after that cos i didn't see the pavement after he said good morning to me. ..... yah.. the bestest day was that same morning, both of these guys took the same elevator as me to the office. BOTH TOGETHER!! what were the chances?! once in a lifetime i would say. yah .. so sad .. no more such chances le..

okie.. enuff random blabbering.. i'll go back to being myself tomorrow don't worry!
(of course unless u prefer me to blabber i could try ..)

just received quite upsetting news.

i'm supposed to change to another team next week. one week's notice. just like that.

just when i feel like i finally am part of the team. (T.T)

its great i can don't need to wear heels anymore i suppose. and i'll probably be learning alot more new things but i just feel so sad. that i can't see Ryo everyday anymore. and that i'll not be able to gossip in english with my collegues anymore. haiz.

commitment fears

suggestions of a couple ring thingey was met with excuses. a sure sign of a fear of commitment. i think i probably understand liaoz. and i think i know i better erect a barrier around my heart soon.

i bought a book yesterday.. The Know-It-All.. about a man's quest to try to know everything in the world. looks interesting but i haven't started it yet. will review it soon.

walked around takashimaya by myself yesterday. my feet really are gone. i was in sneakers yet my toes hurt really bad. i guess they are probably dying. looked at all the beautiful shoes but couldN't bear to kill anymore toes. i think i better find hush puppies for my next pair of heels. else i probably might have to use crutches soon. *sighz*

退屈な木曜日

19:09 Itami Airport　伊丹空港

I'm waiting for a flight that will only arrive at 20:30. why do i do such things? i have no idea. i'm having a fever and a headache yet here i am, doing silly things for him again.

i had no work in the office today. so i spent the time studying bookkeeping　簿記 in Japanese. yah. great skill to have if i should decide to work in Japan but not as a translator next time.

our team leader is coming from tokyo tomorrow! happy! i didn't have a very good impression of him at first cos he was kinda cocky and pompous and pretty much an ass. its only at dinners or outings that u see the better side of these people cos they won't keep behaving like your superiors after u've chatted and made the effort to get to know them better at such gatherings. it certainly makes the office environment a much better place to work in, with the friendlier air,　and its also easier to discuss things since the barriers and guardedness have been broken down. i mean, last friday he even said my outfit was cute and even asked if i was going on a date! a tad strange for a superior to ask a junior that but it just goes to show how the situation now was a far cry from the beginning. when he was merely just someone giving me work and we didn't very much care if we hurt each other's feelings at all.

headache. massive.

turns out my colleague oso. i wonder why. maybe we caught a cold from the sales lady yesterday.. (T.T)

waiting for my colleague to finish work now.. going to look for a bday present for Ryo hehe.. yesterday we had a delicious dinner at a taiwanese food place and i ate Chong Qing steamboat for the first time in my life! it was grEAT! so delicious and spicy and the non-spicy side had wonderful broth, the kind you just wanna keep drinking. we finished all the soup on that side by the way heh.. but was feeling sick so we sorta just headed home after that..

had a weird dream of all the sixoneders eating all the stuff I love at a party last night. i was at the party too but i can't remember if i ate. i only remember bayde eating curry fish head in front of me .. BOOHOO!! and then i unwillingly woke up to go to work. bah! today was headachy and sleepy at work i dunno why. the dreams are making me so tired.....

Nightmares Galore

plenty of nightmares to share this week.

this morning:
fell asleep after he left this morning and got stuck in a nightmare for the short half hour. dreamt that i woke up and saw writing all over the toilet walls. scratched in.. scrawled all over the place and some in blood. i was so freaked out but couldn't wake up at all, until i forced myself to open my eyes to see that everything was still normal. it was mainly numbers, some alphabets scrawled all over, like formulas but the one figure i remembered vividly was 200. i wonder what that means.

last night:
dreamt that my whole level had filled up with occupants. in reality, only 5 of us was on the whole level of 12 rooms. when the doors opened, the rest of the rooms occupants came out. it took me awhile to realise they were all dogs. imagine humans with dog faces. argh. i was so freaked out... and then i turned to run back into my room and saw a man trying to break in.. i shouted at him and he turned to run and i dunno how i ended up being trapped in a room with gigantic fish trying to bite all of us.. ahhhhhh and i think i woke up when trying to fight the fish or something.

the night before:
u noe scenes from Kindaiichi (金田一一）where they always hang school girls or something? i dreamt of like 2 school girls in jap uniform and hanging from the ceiling and i was like staring at them and looking at them dangle with their long hair all over their face. luckily i couldn't see their eyes. i woke up with a start but too scared to open my eyes in case i saw the exact same things hanging from my ceiling.

my mind is warped i noe it. i think i need to see a doctor/psychiatrist. when i was in uni, i used to stay up all the time not because i enjoyed waking up at noon but i had to make myself so tired that i would fall asleep when i hit the pillows and not be so scared to sleep in case i have nightmares.

maybe? Must be!

woohoo! just finished Pride and its like now my favourite jap drama ever!! considering i don't usually watch tv much even, and this is like the first time i followed the show by renting the dvds, and the show fully in jap with no subtitles, it'S an achievement! it was so romantic at the end when he proposed to her beneath controlled fireworks haha.. but wow! in an ice skating rink with a lighted up ferris wheel with fireworks!! this will never ever happen to me though.. i can't ice skate. i guess i just like ice hockey shows in general, like mighty Ducks; the violence on the ice and the speed just brings your adrenaline way up. so he joined the NHL in canada and he came back and asked her if she would be willing to go to canada with him, she was like "maybe?" in a teasing way (cos he ALWAYS says that to her its like a secret phrase btw them and then they will smile at each other.. hee hee.. so sweet!!) and he said "no.. Must Be!.." and he kissed her. *sniffs* seriously super duper romantic... boohoo.....

i finished tru calling too.. and sighz.. the whole show i was just shouting "bitch!" at the mole Carrie and "ASsholE!" at Jack the guy who was letting the people die. i dunno wat to think during the show anymore, it just irks me at how he keeps doing all these underhanded things to try to let people die, including people he actually knows.

now i'm the one who's trying to be civil and him being kinda rude. i think i'll just not even try to say hi anymore.

i m happy now and things have gotten better. just the nagging thought of wat this time next year will be like without him. after half a year has passed, i guess you just get settled down into the comfortable (don't really mind the other person) kind of feeling. and i came to the conclusion that all girls are looking for a Bear as a boyfren. admit it, how many of you called ur bf a bear one time or another? someone huggable, u can lean on, stable, makes u feel safe, like a huge teddy bear. if only these men resembled bears more and jerks less.

pride

oh my god i'm watching pride now and this idiotic girl cant decide btw Kimura takuya and her ex boyfriend.!!!! he was so sad he started crying.. boohooboohoo!!!!!

the theme song i cant stop singing it now.. it seems so romantic and so symbolic of KimuTaku!!

Queen - Born to Love you

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day...

(chorus:)
I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life

You are the one for me
I am the man for you
You were made for me
You’re my ecstasy
If I was given every opportunity
I’d kill for your love

So take a chance with me
Let me romance with you
I’m caught in a dream
And my dream’s come true
It’s so hard to believe
This is happening to me
An amazing feeling
Coming through -

(chorus)

I wanna love you
I love every little thing about you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Yes I was born to love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Every single day - of my life

An amazing feeling
Comin’ through

(chorus)

Yes I was born to love you
Every single day of my life

Go, I love you babe
Yes, I was born to love you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
I wanna love you
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely
Yeah, I wan’t to love you
Yeah, give it to me

great song great show.. haiz...

i hate to be touched!!!

yah .. last night's post was pretty crappy.. haha.. i was playing [We Love Katamari] on PS2 and just hurriedly penned off something..

we've bought a second hand copy of the SMAP newest CD (even 2nd hand its like almost S$50; the original price was about S$62).. its great! esp since they had performed most of the songs at the concert and i can remember their performance for most of the songs. having seen a live concert and felt the atmosphere, the CD will never sound the same again. (^-^)

i got molested by a disgusting FAtso OLD man on the train today. I feel so traumatised and violated. YuCKYUCKYUCKYUCKYUCK"!!!! i could feel his fats against me (YUCK!!!) pushing into the side of my body and i could feel his thing against my leg (YUCKYUCKYUCK!!!) and his other hand was holding his bag which he used as a cover to rest that hand on my butt (YUCKYUCKYUCK!!!!!!!) . As i was sandwiched btw this disgusting man and the back of another man, i couldn't defend myself at all. after enduring the ride for about 10 min i decided to take my hand down from the hand rail and just shoved my elbow into his tummy (regardless of whether he was uncomfortable or not) while i groped in my bag to check my phone, switch my IPoD louder etc. i think he got off at the next stop i dun care wher he goes but at least he was gone. YUCKYUCKYUCK!!! seriously i felt so disgusted and i was like thinking i need to get the feel of the person off my skin. YUCK!!!!

*sobz* .....

bah. work again today.

at least i had one tough assignment and i just focused on it. it seemed easy today.. as compared to last friday when i couldn't seem to think at all.. i guess work mood is very important.

have just watched Apprentice Season 4 episode 3. GReat. the girl who got fired deserves it. so lousy haha.. and watching desperate housewives season 2 too. yay.. sitcoms!

Sports Day

this weekend we had a long holiday again. i just love japan for this! the holiday is a Sports Day, ya it actually is a public holiday.. hehe

so sat we finally managed to catch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.. yay! it was good but the oompa Loompa was creepy with all the same face and different voices and very ugly. and that johnny depp was like weird. which wasnt how i had imagine willy wonka to be. he reminded me of edward scissorhands and he talked in the same way i think. argh. but overall the i liked the show, the rooms and how the children were removed one by one. hee.

but friday i was like having a major headache and stomachache and i was feeling so pissed off at ryo so i had actually cancelled the weekend plans. i don't know what i was thinking but i think i needed some time off from work and from everything.i don't know, but i guess i am just sick of the meaningless and inefficient work that they do or they give me to do. just cos i don't seem to have much work they push like a report from march to me to translate "for records purposes". i mean. HOW LAME! if u cant think of work let me study i hate to waste time doing things that i don't learn anything from.

anyway.. apologised to him so sat we went for the movie and just mucked around in the day wasting time watching tv, doing nothing.. and then on sunday we went to see the 御堂筋Parade (Midosuji). its the one major parade in Osaka every year and bands from all over the world actually came. Singapore had a team too.. from City harvest Church. very dull performance from them, i was very disappointed. it was only a smal team of teenagers trying to be like STOMP banging on metallic instruments for like 30 seconds? so when they reached our stretch, all they did was drink water and walked past waving. ... but there were the guards from Buckingham Palace and their band was good with their tall furry hats too. heh.

then after that we just shopped, had ice cream at haagen dazs.. and ate a vegetarian korean dinner. and of course the Zara store in Osaka has opened and i bought a work skirt and a spag top. winter clothing time woohoo!! so happy i dun have to go Kyoto anymore just to buy my work clothes. yay!

coming week

i told him since he wanted to meet his pregnant colleague and he wouldn't say with who, and he wants to be secretive, he can have the whole long weekend to himself. he refused to take a leave on the day i asked with some lame excuses and took a leave for himself on some other day. he probably has some plans with some other people i presume. he can do whatever he likes, i don't care anymore. i'll be putting up a wall around me so whatever he does, i won't feel a thing. if however, i do catch him with some other girl, they are both going to be so disfigured.

wow i did not realise i last blogged on Monday. oops....

the past few days.. monday i went home and i think i watched joey, and the APprentice 4 while eating dinner i cooked. very very tasty seafood soup k! anyway.. i'm so glad the next season of sitcoms has started again.. it was really lonely without anything to watch while eating meals by myself.

tuesday we had a company birthday party for all the people with birthdays in Oct and September. the food was great and we had wine and stuff but we also had to sit with the CEO and listen to him talk some boring stuff for bout 30min. argh. but i dunno why, ended up feeling quite happy after that. maybe its cos i haven't had a large scale celebration for so long. if i was in singapore, i would have probably ate zicha with the guys at jurong west. argh.... good memories coming back.. i miss u guys!!

wednesday we originally had plans to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but again, the tickets were sold out. AGAIN! argh.. so we just went mos burger for dinner and it was quite fun.. although i wished i had slept earlier last nite. today is hell at work when i keep wanting to nod off. i hate that kind of feeling. esp when u don't have much work that day to do.. (=^-^=)

yesterday and today

i'm so sorry for the sad entry yesterday.. i didn't realise it would make you cry.. i miss you alot too... (T.T)

have been having dreams of my dad and my sister lately. i don't know why but i just dream of my dad picking us up from wherever we are in his car. i guess thats the one thing i'll always be grateful for, a dad who is almost always willing to drop us off whereever we want and pick us up if we're back late. even if he was very sleepy or tired already. haiz.. and we take him for granted too often, i guess. u only start appreciate these things when u have to go everywhere urself and u start to think of the things u miss and the things you had but took for granted. boohoo!!!!! ok i must stop thinking of sad things.

nowadays been zoboing alot in the office. surfing net, reading blogs, reading news.

have been playing my Burnout PSP game for these 2 days, its great!!! graphics not too good, and lacks some of the sound settings in the pS2 version but overall still get the same thrill from CRASHING!! a little embarrassed that i swerve my whole body with the game when I'm playing it in public though... (#^-^#)

yesterday went sannomiya 三宮 and we ate the bestest xiao long baos. at the chinatown area. then we spent the whole afternoon in starbucks playing games (him DS, me PSP) heh.. we were supposed to watch a movie but it was full house already. CHarlie and the chocolate factory. i was quite surprised though. it had been almost 3 weeks and still full house??? mm aniway.. after that we just walked around the shopping area before heading to dinner at a korean place someone in the alleys hee hee. all the bad air was gone i hope.. last nite was almost one of the rare times ihad to go back by train myself. it was weird. we were like teenagers again, kissing at the station (to say goodbye) and him/me not bearing to leave. awwwww....

but i guess its for the better i take things less seriously. for my own good at least. so that i won't be heartbroken in the end.

alone again. he seems to be doing the disappearing act alot recently. i been reading my xanga-sub report & one of the girls i subscribe to is really super suay. guy she loved turned out to be married and borrowed tons of money from her b4 doing the disappearing act. at least 4k he borrowed, so no laughing matter lor. and nowadays her entries are very sad, bout how the money battle is going on with her trying to get back the money and he just avoiding her and procrastinating bout banking in the money and giving her all sorts of weird / vague / ambiguous answer. i feel really sorry for her and her entries nowadays are all very sad, she been crying alot etc.

i am actually very sick of him not being to give me peace of mind as well. and being totally inconsiderate about my feelings. and his stupid mood changes and how i am the one to pacify him yet when i am unhappy all he does is ignore me. i gave him an ultimum. the next time he hurts me and pushed me over the limit of toleration, i am going to hurt myself so badly physically that he'll be very sorry.

i finally got my BUrnout Revenge [PS2] and Burnout Legends [psp] games!! woohoo! great but the Psp version doesnt have that good graphics.hungry. we were supposed to go for korean dinner last night but i got so mad at him i lost my apetite. its true, when u're angry u just become not hungry anymore. "qi bao le". full of angry air. haiz.

i received my Sumitomo bank Credit Card! yay! they initially rejected me becos i had no credit history in Japan, but after i called and sent in my health insurance form to prove my status of having a job here, they sent me a card today.. woohoo! no need to use Ryo's card anymore hehe..

anyway.. went to dinner with Jaclyn on thursday.. brought her to this stick (like satay but all sorts of food like HotDog, prawn etc on the stick) deep fry buffet. you'll get all these food on the stick and then u'll deep fry them in a pot of oil on ur table.. then we had like 70 min to eat but we didnt realise we had spent so much time chatting that we only had 10 min for desserts! yikes hehe.. then we rushed through the last 10 min and pia the desserts. very very delicious! spent the evening talking about my sis. we're quite alike in many ways.. and i dun feel the age diff.. like with my sis i suppose. hee.. but it was fun, and then after that we walked around a little and then went to Macs for a drink. she gave me a ELMer Elephant acacia growing kit to grow a tree! but i haven't started because i wanted to wait for spring haha. to start growing anything now, i'm afraid the weather will be very harsh to it.

yesterday went for dinner at a お好み焼き　place with Ryo. its actually yakisoba, etc, anything u want to fry u fry it. (^-^) i don't really like it cos of the onions. but overall it was very tasty too. i like yakisoba better than all the other stuff we cook there.

woke up at 12noon today cos we only slept at 3 plus last night. tiring but fun. then we soaked our feet together using one of the bath salts foot care thing i received for my present. now my feet are so smooth!