千七百六十一： Zippo

Spent the day removing the labels from the favours. using Zippo lighter fluid, so fingers felt abit weird after.

after that went to gym and I ran 6.5km in ... 39 min? getting abit faster each time but also depends on whether I have the willpower to carry on running the distance. bodylicious class after that.

feeling really tired now and the only reason i'm not sleeping is cos I have to log some bugs / clear some work first before I can zzz...

NY gathering at M's house tmr. can't wait for the fireworks!

千七百六十： New Year Holidays!

a little early but so thankful for JP holidays which starts like now!! will only have to return to work on Monday next week. SHIOK!!!!

which gives me a lot more time to do the things i need to do. cards are half done, now putting the addresses on, and starting on the lunch ones. bought the paper today at art fren, had to think of how to get the printing on it for a while (& what to actually put on it).

so sleepy / heavy headed today. i'm torn to just finish up my own stuff or to finish up the work stuff. but then, this is the holidays, why should I prioritise work? i always end up doing that..... such a workaholic.. :(... must stop doing that in the new year.. very looking forward to waking up late & just slowly meander around the house doing nothing. ゆっくり。。。

千七百五十九： Post Xmas

I can:t remember clearly what i did the past few days.

Helped H pick out his present and i got my lighter fluid. Also came up with the prototype for the orgel wrap. mom was super negative about the cost of it though, actually not that expensive (cheaper than company gift exchange in fact) then she was like, people is going to throw it away anyway! duh .. of cos if i give some crappy thing pple will throw away right. and got into a screaming match with her. and she ignored me for 2 days because i stayed out on friday nite. which is like ?????? really dunno why she wan to continue treating me like a kid and say i am an adult now when it comes to chores.

i got my shoes as well.. very similar to the magazine's. :)

then went to the office to print out all the remaining stuff.

yesterday went to the Gym and ran about 30 min. stayed out the night before and so my body was reluctant to move after about 4.5km. went to collect the lunch cards after that but they missed giving me the inserts, so i probably gotta go back there again.

came home to eat some instant noodles then rushed to Guan's matrimony & wedding dinner. very nice, first time i seen a matrimony and a swordbearer wedding. The pastor was super funny but kind of scared me with his words. "You are losing all your rights/ giving up all your rights to this person you are marrying. You have to submit to every demand she/he makes and vice versa because you chose him/her to be your wife. " scary right!? The ballroom very grand also, the ballroom held up to 40 tables. we had only 8 pple at our table, 2 pple MIA and we had alot of food to share out. I guess dinner of closer friends are definitely more meaningful, where u might see yourself in the photo montages. their 2nd walk in was Guan walking in first singing a song then Peifen joining him. it was really sweet. it was wedding talk all around, with 2 -3 more weddings next year coming up soon.

Tmr last day of work for the year. hooray!

千七百五十八： Christmas 2008

Marini invited us to her place for an xmas eve dinner last nite and me, Suki, qling and Jamie went. had a mini gift exchange after dinner, and dinner was sumptuous. super gd sharks fin, mee goreng, pizza, chicken wings, calamari and Jamie made soyabean milk herself. after that played uno, laughed at each other, discussed some of my plans with them. pretty gd to meet up with them after not seeing them since sep when they celebrated my birthday for me.

Food!

Dinner with XQ at Bukit Timah Market, had stingray (very good) / horfun (very tasteless/bland)/ kuay chup (not bad). had a good chat of alot of stuff.. was quite touched when he showed me the card in the gift shop which said some stuff about friendship... (showed me becos he put it back after i read it and said great, since i noe how he feels he dun need to buy the card le ... grrr ) glad to have met him before he leaves tomorrow.. after that just hung out at coffee bean until he left to meet jw at harry's bar.

first piece of completed card out and i would say its definitely as good as anything sent for shop printing. :D am very glad I bought the calligraphy pen as well. will work on the rest tmr onwards. so happy to have something moving along!

千七百五十七： Friendship

I dunno what i've done to offend pple by crying.

When someone cries, the right thing to say would be "dun cry la, small matter" not.. " u think the whole world is centered around u ? pple cancel on u last minute just means u are not priority" i would think?

how mean was that!

even if u think the person deserved to get hit by a car, i dun think u would tell that to the person when u visit in hospital right?

seriously... all i've been trying to do was be normally civil and i get offensive comments and hostility and criticism back at me. i guess i better not say anything to avoid such situations anymore. if u feel that u hv been a great fren to me, fine, u can find fault with me and i will take it. but if u haven't been a very gd fren to me, is there any right u have to criticise me on my expectations of friendship? because i am ur fren i wont expect anything less of u, i would wan u to achieve ur best whereever and whenever. why would I be a lousy fren and say , dun need to get A la. B is good enuff. ??? seriously. if i was a lousy fren i would see u do alot of stupid stuff and just keep quiet. its like .. u wouldn't just keep quiet if u see the fren had something in his teeth? u would tell him to remove it, because its embarrassing for him and he would be happy you told him.

too high expectations, i dun think so. but if u think u would rather i keep quiet than tell u what i see wrong, i will.

i ran 5.74km today at 35 min.
not bad for a 2nd try.

千七百五十六： 忘年会 @ 味千

Dinner with the JP Cos team today, mainly to use up our Bowling competition takashimaya vouchers. As we are approaching the end of the year, ついでに、we had our 忘年会. lots of stupid onigiri jokes.

I suddenly feel very unexcited about all the presents I wrapped. do they really matter? do the pple even care whether they get the present from me? when I excitedly said to someone i was getting him a gift, i got no reply. well.. that can only mean the person is thinking "oh shit, i must get her one too" or "erh why she get me anything?" or "huh??" . sighz. do anything i do really even matter at all?

had a throbbing headache at work today for no reason, woke up not feeling too well. and was that bad until I sat at the table and stoned quite a while, looking all pale and not really knowing what I was doing.

have decided to do away with the videographer. maybe just go find Araki-san to ask if i can borrow her videocam.

have decided to write less.

like i said - does anyone really even care?

千七百五十五： Rubber Stamping

spent today testing out the emboss tool with the transformer my dad bought. very successful. :D the rubber stamping was fun too.. of cos the ones made later were better; so must apologise to those who will get the not so successful cards.

wrapped up all the presents as well (luckily the shop included the wrappers & ribbons also. )

happy holidays everyone!

千七百五十四： Xmas shopping

Since I was at the gym in the morning today at Millenia walk, decided to finish up the xmas shopping directly as well.

& i finally started running with my new shoes. 4km on the treadmill straight w/o stopping.. speed 9km/h so i guess u can calculate how long it took me. quite slow, but pretty ok for someone who hadn't even wore running shoes or ran only for the bus for nearly 8 years.

legs felt a little weak after that but not too fatigued. I guess I should be able to go a longer distance the next time. wasn't very happy when A said she always do like 15 min of 5.5km/h (= 5.5/4 = 1.3xkm?), 8km/h for 15 min (=2km) then cool down walk of 5min of 5km/h (= 400+ m) then she equaled it to me running for about 27 min non-stop for 4km. erm.. if i was walking so slowly i dun put in so much effort and would be like doing 6km instead of the 2km?? distancewise is the same of cos, but it really belittled my efforts in trying to start running.. tot she was pretty insensitive but didnt say anything. & i did hot yoga after the run & she complained hot yoga was quite relaxed today. -.- well. of cos if u miss the start of the class there isn't much left to tire u out. I dunno why but i just feel like recently her words are irritating me..

fish head curry for dinner ~. dad bought mom a necklace to wear at the dinner. today they went for my cousin:s wedding and got angry that my cousin's gf didnt bother to come greet them as relatives even. I must remember not to make this mistake.

千七百五十三： Love, hate and blank

had supper today of prata as a friend was having relationship issues and i was feeling hungry.

met up with him to scold him for being stupid and to eat. :p his other half ignored him b4 he came to meet me for some food yet got angry at him when he said he was having a meal with me. -.- DUH! some girls are just so mean. and abit too self-centred bah. u wan to ignore the guy then u get pissed off when he meets up with someone else. u expect him to stay at home in misery and mope for u without having had any food?

i have realised it will be much better to stay zen than to show any strong emotions in a relationship. the guy might think "yay peace!" but it actually means the girl has grown to care less, hence resulting in the lack of anger / other negative strong emotions. (the opposite of love is hate, but hate is still a feeling) if u hv no feelings for someone means u dun even hate, u dun love and if you at most feel a slight irritation when this person contacts you, you're probably on your way to forgetting the person. well done!

千七百五十二： Pre-Xmas Festivities

We had Biz Ops buffet lunch in the office today :D

& we were supposed to be in the colours of red & green.

COS Team

in the afternoon, had birthday celebration for december birthday members in the COS team. ate alot of cream and birthday cake... then had meeting with boss.. super no time to do work.

bought my adidas adizero breeze at queensway later on with my sis, tried the adizero mana as well but it was too tight. although I did like the yellow and black stripes, very bee like. must start running this weekend. :)

千七百五十一： Suayness

list of unfortunate events -
- quarrelled with parents in car
- lost money in the food court (dropped in the food when the stall owner gave me change)
- onigiri / J cancelled tmr's shoes buying and gym
- A said she wasn't free to go to gym
- dropped my retainers from my pocket unknowingly and rolled my office chair over it resulting in broken retainer and a dentist trip on Saturday
- Ext Hdd died & gave me quite a panic
- videographer kena ICT on the date I booked him so had to cancel on me and now i hv to find another 1.

day redeemed itself a little after i gave ryo a call and he comforted me on the phone.

:(

千七百五十： Clearing Up

cleared up alot of stuff over the weekend. mentally/physically/and my room i guess.

was reading The Further adventures of the London Call Girl - didnt even noe it was in the house, sister must hv bought it and i found quite a lot of reality in the book. (besides all the erotic tips she was giving.) As in, the characters really reminded me of pple i know and their respective problems. read it thru the weekend while helping my mom to shop for her dresses.

Found the Memory Keeper's daughter in the house as well, have started on it. Am at the part where Norah wants to give a memorial service to the baby girl she thought had died. wonder what will happen when she realises that her husband had lied.

Yoga at the gym today. due to lack of sleep and hunger, did not have much energy. went to look at running shoes before gym today. I think i will go with adidas but got to check up abit more before buying. Have decided I need to look better & so that i can run with Ryo in future.

went to finalise the dress design with XQ and XH yesterday. her baby is sooo cute. (his eyes are half the size of the face when wide open) i think the dress(es) will turn out well. :) appreciate them staying the whole time giving comments and trying to visualise what it will look like for me.

have to find the sylvannian family mice tomorrow. today the iphone gave me such a huge scare by becoming de-activated. (which resulted in Ryo having to change his phone for a new one, losing all his data and stuff), luckily Daniel had his ipod cable and i was able to re-activate the phone. but how/why did that happen??

千七百四十九： Hair

XQ is back！

so happy to have him back and just hang around doing nothing with me or just to accompany me going about my errands.

even on days when I finally have the chance to just be home and do nothing, nagging comes from my mom asking why this not done yet, why is that not done yet. i feel like just throwing everything in her face, saying if u don't trust me doing it for myself, u can go ahead and do it yourself. There is still > 2 months, the priority is definitely not on that when there are tons of other things i need to get settled.

more worried am I on whether my hair will grow out in time.

千七百四十八： 精神

I kinda lost sight of the reasons why I'm doing anything these days.

I'm doing wrong to everyone close and being done wrong to from everyone close as a result. I dunno who to trust anymore. or how to treat anyone correctly.

I felt very short tempered with G the other day. for the past few days, I was just worrying my head off about money issues and i got pissed off that she insisted on eating expensive foodcourt food. it might not mean much to her having had 2 promotions this year but even eating at somewhere where its $3 per meal compared to $6 per meal made a lot of difference to me. (i can eat 1 more meal with the money lor) sounds ngeow or what, but I really didn't want to spend the $6 instead of the $3. and she whined about it which made me even more fed up. I didn't trust myself to speak anymore in case i really blew my top so I just kept quiet and sat down.

我必须找回我自己。

今天，C问我为什么我这么无精打采。应该是兴致勃勃地筹备中才对啊。我说，自己一个人应付到非常疲倦了。有这么多小事，大事都得操心，工作，金钱，家长，心事，凛凛乱乱的烦恼这么多，兴奋的心情能够保持多久呢？遇到小小的不如意事，不经意地就感觉到热泪盈眶，实在是精神错乱的第一征兆。我真的是觉得很累很累。

千七百四十七： Blues

watched The Day the Earth Stood Still today (MS movie event) at GV Max. I wonder if this is the last movie event i'll be able to join.

Keanu Reeves - very cool - made me feel like rewatching Matrix.
Plot - so-so,but really got me thinking about being more eco-frenly conscious.
ending - too abrupt. would hv wanted a clearer ending on what happened to Keanu Reeves in the end.

came home a little earlier for a change today but it only got me thinking to all the things i haven't done. like hv the desired design in mind ready to tell the designer next week. no idea on what i'm going to do for the invites. and the program. Only thing i achieved this week was booking a photographer.

i guess the stress of doing everything alone is getting to me. i feel like i"m on the verge of tears any time, i feel moody and can become angry anytime with anything small.. which might end up pissing pple off.. and i'm such a control freak that i wan everything done my way so i don't really feel like asking anyone for help in doing things because 1. they might reject me, 2. they might not do the way i want 3. they might promise to help and end up nv help. :(

I think i am thinking too much.

千七百四十六： Issues

not much happening after the bowling, in fact felt abit aimless after having bowling. its like ... nothing to work for, nothing to look forwrd to. nothing to bring the group together. it was fun to have a common goal.

today's session nearly killed me i dunno why. think the aircon was too strong in the studio, because my mouth felt so dry towards the middle that I choked while breathing and couldn't catch my breath back and just started choking and coughing.

Something's wrong with the safari browser. it just stops loading pages. at first I thought it was just the office network but I realised its happening at home too. I guess it's time to try some other browser. Dlding Google Chrome to take a look now. hopefully no issues with loading.

was so stupid I dunno why i started crying when complaining to H on the bus today. tears of both anger and sadness I guess. dunno why i'm so emotional these few weeks.

& my mom kp-ed at me when I asked to borrow some money to tide me over the credit card bill payment even though I said I would return her when my pay & bonus comes this month. the stress of the monetary issues/ the planning alone/ the running around to meet the vendors alone/ the worries of not being able to finish things is really driving me nuts. head kinda hurts most of the time and I can't really focus on work also. help!!!

千七百四十五： JP frens

Maya came all the way down to attend W's wedding (Maria the bride was really really pretty) and the least i could do was meet her for dinner over the weekend, esp to eat sg food. Bak Kut Teh on Saturday then dinner at my place on Sunday which she really enjoyed bEcause my parents cook really good tasting assam and steamed chicken. Had fun chatting alot abt everything, and really sad that i wont be moving to tokyo but osaka instead. She always meets up with me for meals when I'm in Tokyo, or at least arranges for mr M to meet me if they have plans. Her reaction was really funny when I told her today, she was like *oh no i hv to come to sg again?!* then went on to say this is great news.

:)

no i am not with child.

cute guy N at the wedding looked abit crestfallen when he heard the rest talking about marriages and that the girl he thought was single there was not going to be soon. haha.. nvm i:ll get his facebook add tmr from W to link him to our photos. thought he looks abit like Adam Chen.

very busy but very good weekend.
JLPT finally over yesterday. probably will be that 60% result again if i:m lucky, else worse, since i didn't study until sunday morning.

hv to put full energy into the prep work for feb tmr onwards.

there were so many issues at work today i felt very irritated that I:m even supporting them. I'm helping yes, but i:m not even supposed to be in the team anymore u noe?? Y do u make it sound like its a must that i spoonfeed u instead of u making some effort to do stuff yourself? these pple irk me, i am the least paid yet all the questions come to me. so tired of work and Ryo keeps telling that i can just quit and go over anytime when I wan to now.. I am very tempted to do so.

千七百四十四： APOC Bowling Night Team Champions

We won!!

by some very good luck, Shinji hit his best score to date, 4 strikes in a row and alot of spares and got 195 for the first game. I managed to get 130, while the rest of the guys hit above 100. The total score brought us to lead by about 90 points in the first game.

2nd game we kinda sucked, avg i guess the whole team hit about 107 ... i hit only 83.. hehe .. but luckily the other team who was catching up had a weaker player than me and our first game total managed to save us and give us the top prize. woohoo!!

so happy, i nv won a sports trophy in my whole life before!!

千七百四十三： almost the end of 2008

I had a shitty day yesterday. You know how it's weird that you mourn so much for the loss of a friendship. Other issues including him reconsidering the future led to more tears. u noe how pple are not frens anymore the way they abandon u even when u cant stop crying. didn:t stop the whole bus ride and ultra embarrassed but the tears just wouldn:t stop. some kind soul tried to console me over the phone but the kind voice just made me cry alot more.

My eyes were swollen this morning.

Sister is back in workplace as a temp. Work was hellishly busy today. the idiocy of some pple today irritated me to no end. Maybe I'm too hard on others & myself about work mentality.

Lunch at hanabi, first time eating there. 豚キムチ was super good. Sashimi was so-so. Soba was bad. 手巻き not bad.

Bowling practice today fluctuated between good and poor. I found a good song which had a rhythm that suited my game. The music does matter, at least to me. Am trying to listen until i can hear the song in my head.

Have picked out the card design with H on saturday. going to pay dinner deposit tomorrow. debating whether some pple should still be invited or not. but then pending replies from some pple as well. dunno whether i should chase the remaining for replies.

How I wished this was 3 months ago when everything was different and I didn't have such weight on me. In another 4 months I'll be gone from all my friends and family.