i'm disappointed. veri veri disappointed. am i only sought out when u want kisses or hugs? do u realli need to tell me excuses to avoid outings when those excuses are so lame u dun even bother to hide them? veri veri disappointed. was quite worried abt u and not even a word. wat do u take me for?! is this a relationship at all? :( i slept at 7am, then kept waking up to check the phone cos i was afraid i would oversleep and not be able to accompany u. well, turns out i didn't need to. u apparently didn't even care to inform me of ur disappearance until u were gone. u're even more on time for ur hospital appt than ur appts with me.

i better be more firm about my resolution in being a pessimist and not having animore expectations.

soooo tired.

bought myself a new top.. my first Nike top.. my most expensive top ever too.. just dun feel that t-shirts are wor th it.. but i did not noe that royal sporting house had 15% off for students.. still not worth it, but at least saved some money for a meal. not realli, realised i brought too little cash.. so now i'm kinda starving in hall with a sore throat. :(

kena tricked again. am deciding to stop being a optimist and start being a pessimist with no hopes or expectations so that i won't be easily disappointed.

i wonder if anione is so suicidal to promise to call his gf after a fight and then called to say that he can't tok becos he's toking to a fren online. wow.. the girl must realli feel like his top priority..

wah .. feeling super stressed now. suddenli like a lot of work to do.. with deadlines seeming veri near some more.. die liao.. and i haven properly relaxed to do my work properly. !!

still awake.. proj marathon but now in the comfort of my room.. :) happy to be working on my proj.. had a game of gunbound with 61ders.. fun and i'm improving a little.. haha.. aiming sux.. abit babbling now.. lack of sleep does that to u.. :)

wah.. can't believe i'm here in the library at 825am. i wouldn't have had the discipline to wake up unless if i have to do something for pple.. :P

finally figured out what went wrong in my coding.. it was so simple, i was quite blind not to have realised it.. after going through the logic of the whole send mail thing for the tenth time, realised i did not specify a connection to the database and send a SQL query to it to retrieve the email addresses i needed. tot i was a genius at first to have written a script in a few min. hehe :P oops, too much geek talk here.. shall revert to telling my simple english..

i haven slept well in 2 days, guess i'm still not used to the bed. its great to have the freedom though... 3 deadlines this week, next week 3 presentations, its a do or die situation.. if i pass them.. then i've graduated.. woohoo!! and then just one more exam to the end of my sch life... :S a little sad.. dun want to relinquish my freedom so soon... but on the other hand, there's the financial freedom to look forward to.. :) hmm.. life is just full of give some take some i suppose..

after all the deadlines, plans for post-proj/pre-graduation celebrations include chionging at least twice a week, weekends at sentosa to look realli gd, sleeping till noon everyday.. and prolly working out more.. i realli must get to toning my non-existent abs to look better for sentosa.. at least remove some of the flab.. :P

the park sux. sianz.watched a string of bad movies liao... the effects sucked, the plot sucked, and oni remotely scary.. YUCK. andrew lau should stick to his infernal affairs. horror is NOT his forte.

i realise when ever i move into hall, i'll be bringing too much clothes. damn. but i dun wanna do ani laundry.. think i'll like wash the clothes when i come home prolli..

and i hate pple who dun reply smses. if u're the perpetual late replier type, its ok, but its not ok when i noe for a fact that u reply other pple so fast especially regarding other stuff.

wat a horrible sunday.

i hate pple breaking dates or appts. why, have u suddenly found something better to do than meet me? if its work related, i can understand, but since i did not see it fit to put anithing in the time i allocated to u when i agreed to meet, i at least expect basic courtesy of u doing the same. i didn't realise i had to have something to do when i agreed to meet. isn't that usualli the case? we both have nothing to do thats y we meet. DUH.. alright then.. i get the point.

went to devil's bar last nite.. jx's fren's bday.. turns out that his gf oso.. they were mostly from NUS surprisingly, from their chiongster look, i did not realise that until he told me. the bar was pretty packed.. but music not that great.. didn't drink alot too, cos i was having gastric pains, which was pretty much a bummer.. :( danced a little.. but spent the rest of the time enjoying jx's company.. :) left at abt 2am, saw a car wreck outside pacific plaza, front of the car was totalli smashed in.. must have been a drunk driver, luckily there's no casualties, he only hit the tree at the side of the road.. :( went to newton circus for char kuay teow.. had a surprisingly gd apetite for a change.. :) when i reached home, it was bout 4am.. couldn't sleep most of the nite surprisingly..

dunno how i managed to force myself to get up this morning to go for tuition.. the stupid kid did not do her homework again. KAOZ. veri irritated.. its quite hard to feel devoted to lazy kids, and i can understand why most teachers lose their ideals and oni become teachers and not nurturers of characters and young minds after a few years.. :( quite a sad thing..

waited for jx to appear after a 4 hr tuition marathon ... i waited for nearly an hour again.. :( kinda ironic considering my previous day's post.. i guess that's wat love is.. u dun mind waiting for the person u love even though you actually have better things to do.. haha.. ate at beach road then rushed back for dad's bday dinner.. was so tired i dozed in the cab.. zzz.. nv done that b4.. cham.. i think i betta sleep earlier tonite...

shifting into KR for a 2 weeks tomolo.. yay!! FREEDOM!! (after my proj at least) :P

waiting is such a pain in the ass. It definitely trains one to be more patient, but it realli is a waste of life. Life is so short; imagine how much regrets u would have if the last thing u did b4 u died was waiting. waiting for pple, waiting for things to happen to u, that isn't the way to live life.. arghh.. i've been waiting for a phone call the whole day, and when i finalli couldn't wait any more and made the call instead, i onli got a network message. His phone had no batt. ARGH. & i still dunno if the plans for tonite are still on. haiz.. waiting is such an agony. :S

argh.. i'm still up.. hope i can still wake up later.. and hopefulli tonite can meet him for his fren's bday? hmm... he's looking forward to it too, can tell from his voice.. but he can't confirm anithing.. so... better not have too high hopes.. :S

miss him.. but 2 days have gone just liddat .. guess we definitely can sit out longer days.. :)

been feeling so tired.. another overnite project session tonite... haiz.. dreading it.. i can't stand to work at nite, its time for relaxing!! would rather meet whole day to do than at nite.. slept until 5pm yesterday after i came home.. wat a waste of the day.. and its not like i get much done there at nite oso, just surfing the net aimlessly and then trying to solve some quesions that they can't solve.. i DUNNO java. so if u're the programmer and u dun noe why the error occurred, u think i would?

meetings should be efficient discussion and distribution of work and then everyone goes off to produce his or her part. there's a optimum working condition for everyone which is different, and forcing everyone to come together to work could perhaps be detrimental instead of helpful to the project's progress. so much lost sleep i can't recover.. still feeling realli tired now even though i slept 8 hours last nite.. :(

jiaxing was so sweet! i woke up to the phone ringing, at 10, and it was him calling from tekong to say gd morning! :) hee.. it's nice to wake up to a lovely voice and it's nicer to noe that he's spending all his break time on u.. :) great way to start a daY!! :)

went to marina square for dinner.. and then had anderson's ice cream and then esplanade to enjoy the breeze.... it was so romantic... :)

caught him making faces haha...


i'm soooo happy... :)

proj didn't turn out so well though.. we're behind time.. starting to squabble.. :(

it's a great day!! :)

the work travel USA thing is super popular. i think i have veri slim chance of getting in. the 2 bimbos beside me were so fake and spoke such lousy english i could puke. they were totalli sucking up to the interviewer, bantering and smiling.. YUCK!

met yingyan there.. played with my new phone.. hee hee ..


also took photos with jiaxing.. :)


Kill Bill SUX! its VERI violent, VERI abstract, plot a little unclear, i'm feeling quite traumatised rite now. still can't forget the blood shed and the violent deaths and loss of limbs the characters suffered. :S head hurts from the gore. and the massacre. and lucy liu's unsightly death. *pukes* shall not watch RA violent movies for a while. now i noe why the rating is RA.. even a 21 yr old feels traumatised, i think kids will nv have happy dreams again.

sister having bday bbq just now. her frens were mostly girls.. which was gd for her.. :) but had my own problems to worry abt, so didn't have apetite to eat. realise my love life is super complicated. i shall have to resolve things soon. :(

just came back from dinner at Blue Elephant.. their service was sucky.. but it was understandable since they were veri shorthanded.. but the food was good.. since it was buffet.. after that went carrefour to buy barbeque stuff .. it was so crowded..

surprised jx at the bus stop this morning.. :) i love giving my frens surprises! hee.. had to change bus aniway.. so tot of saying hi b4 i went home.. he looks so cute in specs haha... abit like some hongkong actor..

DID NOT have a gd sleep at home. the phone kept ringing. and my dad called to check for faxes. i wasn't even online!! duhz.. then half awake and asleep until msgs kept waking me up.. ironicalli, after i woke up, there were no more new msgs for me the whole afternoon.. :( so unloved...

i was like the onli person on the bus home today. weird feeling. and i kept looking back to make sure.. think i just not enuff sleep.. its the kind of feeling that u dun realise u're thinking and drifting off.. while staring at some spot unconsciously.. i think my mind is kinda warped.. haha

so sad... overnite marathon project session again.. haiz.. my weekend is gone... :(

went for the Barclays recruitment test today.. it was super tough.. like an SAT test sped up to twice the speed.. i didn't manage to finish the verbal and numerical section.. :( sad.... the questions weren't tough.. just required alot of thinking... and figuring out.. :( but the diagrammatic reasoning test was pretty ok.. managed to finish all but 1 question.. and i'm sure that those i did, they were rite.. ! :) cool huh..

ani way.. met david during the test.. he's working at standard chartered now.. and he's also taking CFA! haha.. so can ask him watever i dun understand lor..

after that met jx for dinner... went to eat cuttlefish kang kong at bukit timah market... he's such a sweet guy.. haha.. veri chipmunk like smile.. maybe he's gay that's y he's not attached.. :P realli nice of him to send me back all the way even though he lives so far away.. if oni all guys were so thoughtful.. :)

AMerican Pie 3 is super hilarious!! its a must watch comedy... admittedly, its gross.. VERI gross in fact.. but VERY FUNNY!! hahahahaha... its my first R(A) movie too!! woo hoo!!

now have to prepare for tomolo's meeting.. yuck... boring too...

just came back from the accenture recruitment tok.. no hope of ever getting in there as a entry level fresh grad.. they only hiring 40 and they're looking for nearli first class grads!! ARGH! i could try to wow them with my accelerated degree with minor.. but my results are pretty bad.. :( dunno if i should even try to apply for an internship with them..

there are some realli inappropriate pple around. its a recruitment tok, for god's sake, not the cinema. will it kill u guys not to be so touchy feely for 2 hours!?! felt like slapping these pple.. making the rest of us uncomfortable.. GET A ROOM!!

decided to write abit bout myself..

there's this misconception that i'm veri sociable and outgoing.. which i'm NOT... my character is basicalli veri shy and IntroVerted.. according to a Myer-Briggs test i did b4 (it was administered by the school for all students to know themselves better), i'm an ISTJ (Introverted, Sensor, Thinking, Judger). I think its pretty much me.. this chart sums the whole thing up..

anihow, like i said, i'm realli a quiet and shy person, and i usualli dun take the initiative to get to noe new pple unless forced by necessity or circumstances.. i cringe at the idea of introducing myself to pple in fact.. :( aniway, thats me b4 we're frens..

after we're frens, if we hit it off, we hit it off.. haha.. thats when i become frenli and sociable.. if we're frens, i pretty much will help u with just about everything u need help with.. n one thing to note.. i'm veri blunt and straightforward.. heh.. i usualli speak my mind regarding everything.. but oni if u're my fren.. :) hmm ..

and i draw my energy from outings i think, i love to meet up with good frens, it makes me realli happy, but i dun tok much unless i have something meaningful to say..

yup.. thats my own character analysis of who i am now.. anione who begs to differ please speak up.. i'm in the process of getting in touch with myself.. :P

hmm.. just read some blogs and realise mine is totalli devoid of poetic sentiments and deep feelings. haha.. i think thats me leh.. no cheem tots or feelings.. (i'm not shallow though) :p

pple seem to have lots of sentimental stories etc to feed the hearts of their readers.. n just heard from my sis that her fren said my sis and mine blog were crappy, veri not cheem.. KAOZ. a little pissed.. u like your blog to be cheem, its ur own problem; i'm using mine as a diary thingey, not meant to be elegant or to wow my readers.. when i feel like i wanna spout poetry, i'll do it, just not every day.. duhz.. u think i'm so free like u meh? sec 2 oni, nothing to do, thats y can wreck ur brains for writing great novels on ur blog or even spend tons of effort decorating ur blog.. bo LIAOZ!

aniway, enuff of the dissing... i just wanted to express some dissatisfaction..

realise this friendster.com thing is catching on realli quick and i found some frens i had lost contact with over the years.. so happy!! :) going to meet up with them soon i hope.. and made some new frens too..

saw a leaf fall out of a tree today and tot of how soon christmas was coming.. time to spend money on presents again... (see i suck at trying to be sentimental)

and some sidetracking, my fren declan wans me to mention him.. he claims that he's "cute, yandao, charming, charismatic, and BHB" . i think so oso.. haha.. yandao not so much.. (since my standards of yandao are brad pitt and orlando bloom and aniki takeshiro) but anione interested in him, can go to the decazz link at my side menu.. :P

marathon project meeting..

have been having 3214 project work session since 3pm yesterday afternoon. Until now. my god.. my eyes are tearing and i can't even think clearly. why do they persist?! ahhh.. seems like i veri blur bout the whole thing. but i did some work in exchange for not being able to code.. :( and did a little of my GEM.. argh. its due next week.. and quiz on tuesday.. must sleep a little, else will die.. :(

rambling on liao... zzzzzzzzzzz...

woah.. finally home.. feeling veri sleepy still.. at least today managed to do most of wat i need to do. xinhuan treated me sambal crayfish and squid for lunch.. her bday tomolo! :) dunno wat to get her though.. after being best frens for nearly 10 years, bdays become inconsequential events.. still.. since she treated me.. must get her something nice :)

suddenli had the motivation to find the lyrics to David Tao's new album.. they were realli soothing, sweet and i just had to noe the words to his songs..

came home to find a surprise from Yinnah.. did not noe she actualli left me a card and bday present with the security guard b4 she left for UK.. :( she remembered my bday!! *tears* realli touched.. another gd fren there.. always so sensible and a gd listening ear... haiz.. come back soon yah? i miss u too... *sobz*

suddenli veri aware that i have to find a job soon. the thought of having to step out into the working world is realli depressing. I'M NOT READY! i wanna learn design and all first.. sianz. at least i hope to get a dream job first.. :(

sick... i'm sick... headache, runny nose, sore throat.. yuck..

hate this feeling.. i went to NTU today.. realised that there realli were super few girls in SCE, no joke.. counted bout 30 in the lecture group of 300+ ... poor guys.. i must realli have been eye-candy for them :P

but alot of cute guys haha.. too bad it was oni a one day thing..

can't believe i've been going to the comp lab everyday this week. ok its oni tuesday, but i've nowhere else to go. kinda a pathetic but yah, i realli have nowhere to go now that i have no hall. could go home but its boring and there's no one at home. sianz.

miss u so badly. its all i can do not to pick up the phone and sms u bout my day. i've been losing little bits of me for this whole time in you and now, i can't get the pieces back.. i keep asking myself in what way am i not gd enuff to u, but the oni answer that keeps creeping up on me is that you can't accept my past, despite knowing me. i've changed, and i want to be the person u see me to be but why do u keep reminding me of the wrongs i did? :(

i admit it. i've lost. i'm too tired to struggle animore. shall end it when i realli reach rock bottom.

totalli forgot supposed to go to lunch with andy's family today.. ahhh!! was super late.. 1 hr.. :( the food still same old things.. veri boring.. if oni there were oysters...

sandy's bday last nite was quite a crowd.. her sis doesn't look like her at all.. and the cake was delicious.. but a pity my throat hurt.. :( went off at 11pm .. quite alot of pple at the beach last nite..

went to raffles city and i realised i haven't bought ani cosmetics for a while.. argh.. hand so itchy to buy some .. esp after trying the bourjois eyeshadow.. but its soooo ex.. maybe if got ani dinner and dance then splurge abit.. :P haiz.. better start my programming.. i been slack too long..

this is not a good week. i have a sore throat on the left side of my throat as well. *cough cough*

now feeling a little down. dunno why.. maybe its cos i'm sleepy.. :(

have to start coding liao!!! arghhhhhhh deadline less than a month away!!

just woke up at 2 plus AM.. haha.. i took a nap at bout 8pm.. dunno why i woke up.. think there was an sms or something..

woke up to realise my internet connection was cut off.. a little irritated since i was trying to download season 10 of frens. YES its OUT!! muahahaha!! so excited.. if all goes well.. i should be able to watch it tonite.. yahoo!!! wat a great way to reward myself after slogging (erm.. trying hard to slog? :P) on my essay on surrealism. its realli difficult to write, considering its such an interesting topic.. i mean, i have learnt alot, but asking me for my opinions on it? hmm.. i love the art pieces from the Surrealist movement, realli warped and cool, becos of the intertwined states of dream and reality, and that they're so different from normal real stuff. Dali is definitely one of my favs, and Magritte too.. (they're artists btw.. ) i did quite well for my first quiz on this module.. does this mean i'm like inclined towards art and stuff liddat? been enjoying myself at this module.. hmm.. something to think bout i guess..

went to eusoff bash last nite.. took some photos with my new phone.. hehe.. some shots .. can u tell where it was?



wasn't veri happening.. but it was ladies nite aniway.. :)

hmm... there's something wrong with my eye.. it gets real itchy and when i sorta rub it, it becomes realli realli itchy and i have to like rub until its my whole eye's swollen. then i can't open it properly and my eye's in tears.. ouch.. :(