mm. yesterday was great .. in the sense that finalli the beginning of the LONG break. hee hee.

but the end of the day was not. had some quarrel. realli pissed off. but i guess u really see some people's true colours.

today.. collected a phone for my yahoo bb. cordless looks quite cool. and bought a pair of high heels. veri pretty! about 7cm high, but surprisingly i walked ard ok in them. my plan is working.. i'm aiming to be able to wear like 12 cm heels at the end of 1.5 years. :P

walked around the shopping mall and it was quite fun looking for heels. a little crowded and the sega arcade smells of pee. seriously. gross. had yakiniku(grrilled meat) for dinner. oishii! lunch.. i ate chinese food. hongkong food? which tasted japanese . weird. but it looks quite authentic. ate crepes in the late afternoon, had strawberry and chocolate soft cream (yoghurt ice cream) early afternoon. hmm. yupz.

lunch time almost over. had some crap food from the canteen today.
bought some more sweets.

some trouble and disputes within the girls cos of sharing of internet. haiz. one of them even cried. difficult not to be mean. but then, everyone doesn't like her. i at least try to be civil.haiz haiz haiz.

having trouble managing commitments this golden week. how do i deal with both sides? massive headache build up. should i get sick leave tomorrow?

finally end of tues.
2 more days and i'll have a 10 day break.

back on the world expo. i think i was saying..
the korean performance of drums and dance was great. mammoth exhibition too. very huge very cool. took a ride on the cable car. on the ferris wheel too. sunday was great weatrher. i got tanner. wahahaha.

have yet to get my photos from the handphone that took it.

the horrid accident. caused this morning's train to be super crowded. i was pushed against a wall and almost died. was thinking it doesnt need an accident to kill pple on the train. just overcrowd them. ..

I'm still alive.. don't worry.. this is actually near my place, bout 2 towns away. luckily, i was already at work.

At Least 37 Killed in Japanese Train Accident
Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:18 AM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - A crowded commuter train derailed and smashed into an apartment building in Japan on Monday, killing at least 37 people and injuring hundreds, media said.

Six people were still trapped more than three hours after the derailment, the worst train accident in Japan in 14 years.

The front car of the train smashed into the apartment building while several other cars were derailed in the accident, which occurred shortly after the morning rush hour near the city of Osaka, about 255 miles west of Tokyo.

Television showed rescuers with stretchers trying to remove people from the crumbled and tangled wreckage.

Witnesses said there were not enough stretchers so rescuers were stripping train seats to carry out the injured.

"There are a lot of seriously injured people, some with fractures," passenger Tatsuya Akashi told public broadcaster NHK soon after the accident.

"I've got a lot of blood on my clothes. I don't know what happened," said Akashi, who was on his way to work.

"It felt like the train speeded up as it was going around a curve and I thought there were some strange swings, and then the train derailed," Akashi said near the accident scene.

"No one knew what happened and everyone kept screaming."

Early reports said the seven-car train, carrying about 580 passengers, had hit a car before careering off the tracks.

Operator West Japan Railway Co. said the cause of the derailment was under investigation.

"We do not know yet the cause of the accident. The priority for now is to rescue the passengers," West Japan Railways President Takeshi Kakiuchi told a news conference.

A company official told the same news conference the driver of the train was a 23-year-old man with 11 months experience.

A man living about 100 feet from the scene said there was a large bang, and at first he thought there had been an explosion at a nearby factory.

"I looked out from my window. I saw nothing unusual near the factory," Naoto Shimizu told NHK. "Then, I saw dust spreading from the north side, which was large enough to block my view. So I thought it must have been a huge accident."

Japanese trains generally have a good safety record.

In the last major accident, in March 2000, five people were killed and 33 were hurt when a Tokyo subway train ripped away the side of a carriage of an oncoming train that had derailed in its path during rush hour.

The worst Japanese train crash in recent history took place in 1991 in Shigaraki, western Japan, when 42 people were killed and more than 600 injured.

I'm the stupidest, most idiotic bugger in the world.

I forgot to bring my camera to the Aichi愛知 World Expo.

......

oh wait. my phone has a camera too right?

you think the stupidest, most idiotic bugger in the world will remember to bring her phone too?

yah, i actually managed to forget BOTH my phone and my camera.

BOO HOO HOO!!!!!

well. maybe other pple brought cameras. they did, only that it was on their handphone. haizzzzzzzzzzz.

ok, i shall stop lamenting. it was my own fault i woke up late and had to run out in a rush to avoid missing the bus to aichi. my own fault that i didnt pack my bag the night b4 too. sighz.

anyway..
the world EXPO was GrEAT! k.. not that wonderful.. but it was great cos i got to eat Singapore food!! woohoO!! chicken rice finally, and laksa. its a wonderful feeling to hear pple speak singlish, to be speaking hokkien, mandarin and the mix again. i was almost crying with joy when i got my first taste of chicken rice after so long. and laksa. the chicken rice was wonderful. really like that kind of yangyi sushi anime where people eat his food can see all sorts of colours cos its so good. well, that prolly happened cos i missed the food so much. yummy!!! Laksa could be better.. but mai hiam buay pai. ahh. was in heaven the whole of saturday. first booth i pia to was Singapore booth.

after the hour of homesickness and feeling proud of the food, went into the singapore booth. it was cool. artificial rain in the midst of a show for t feel of singapore (it actually even smelled like real rain, ahhhh.. how much i miss the country) and then a walkthru OTOT to see see cultures and orchids and merlion (the japanese are crazy over that) and food vids of hawker centres and even videos of zouk and other nite places. ARGGH.

made me feel like crying.

anyway, after that, walked to some other southeastasian booths, not so well done (national pride heh)and realised the asian booths emphasised on food. the european booths were too crowded so after 5 then walked into france (which was a boring booth) too abstract and too creative vid that i dun think the japs got. i tot it was quite cool, but more than a few heads were nodding off (it was too long.)artistic, dance, great cid clips. very french.

holland was the best. a video presented in a square format and and screened a lake on the ground and made the video at the top join to the ground to make it look like we were seated around a realistic pond. WOW. i couldn't speak after that, it was so overwhelmingly breathtaking. did you know miffy (the rabbit with the X for the mouth was from Holland??) visited some other European countries' booths, mainly wide video presentations with exhibits done creatively in their countries' cultures and famous icons. belgium did a gigantic mural of the famous paintings from the country. and they were joined up as a single painting. almost seamlessly. ceiling to ground. bought tin-tin files to use .. TIN TIN from belgium. hehe..

hmm.. other points of interest, korean performance gd, mammoth exhibit good.
will detail blog tomorrow.

a fren's comment on my post yesterday..:

A need is nothing more than a state of mind.
A need doesn't quantify that u love that person, it's only a means to fill the emptiness of that heart at that point in time.
Need is the pragmatic version of love, which itself doesn't comes with the commitment and devotion.
However over time, the need may be coupled with love, thus converting it from a need to a selfless love.
So is need good or bad? it depends on how it evolves from there.
How many person actually understand the difference between the two?

a theory that's been going round my head.

everyone needs to feel needed.
without that need, there would be no relationships and no friendship and no human links to one another.

without feeling needed, you will feel redundant. & when you feel redundant, its natural that you will seek someone who needs you. if you need the someone back, then its a perfect fit. but when u realise you dun need that person anymore, you should look for someone u need. was the need originally there? or does it develop over time? after having a person's company for a while and the person disappears, and you miss the person, does that mean you need him or her?

the most basic need stems from loneliness i guess; u need someone's constant company. ( i will admit i am totally in need of companionship) i can die, but i can't stand to be alone. alone as in totally alone. give me a book for company and i'm fine, but without even a book, I can't eat alone.
second need comes from feeling like you don't exist; and u need some one's constant attention to reassure yourself that you are not invisible.

just a tot. wat a relief to have spouted that out.

lunch time blogging again. no money to buy food. or rather I'm saving up to pay the bills this month. all becos the damn edB is late with our allowance. it is not our fault that the request form is late. why are they punishing us? why are they so inefficient? they have dragged our pay for 3 weeks. 3 freaking long weeks. this place where each meal costs $10 and where our rent is $400+ each and internet costs $150. now i noe that their interests only lie in themselves and the economy. i am freaking hungry right now. had only a cookie. can feel the fats floating out of me. and my sanity. woke up feeling very moody and depressed. and i still am in a foul mood with a throbbing headache. this worry about how to survive is killing me.

okie..

yesterday's japanese post was uncalled for.. pls forgive me..

anyway, it meant that i went to a cherry blossom viewing 〔お花見） at the mint. it was really really beautiful. there are like tons of different species of sakura, and different colours like yellow, white, pink, reddish pink etc. amazing. it was obviously a tourist spot, with announcement in english, chinese and japanese. pity it was a little too dark. my camera didn't capture the images all that well. was lazy to upload the photos, will do it soon.

now's lunch again. think i'll post everyday diligently during lunch. else when i get home i dun even feel like switching on my PC. have discovered that amazon.co.jp is the best japanese book store. the cheapest. ipod costs ￥35000 when the normal price outside is ￥38800. hmm . a difference of ￥3800 which is about $60. even the books are cheaper than kino by at least ￥500. woohoo! free delivery for purchases above ￥1500. easily done. one book costs bout that price anyway.

have begun answering phone calls on my desk. a little scary, i always can't quite catch the caller's name. it would always go like this:

"hai! Jocelyn desu"
Jocelyn speaking..

"XXX desu.. A-san onegaishimasu"
I'm ____ . (huh????) A-san please..

"A-san."
ok who called? looking for A san? how do I ask him to repeat his name?!

" .................... Hai. o shyoushyou machi kudaisai"
long pause while i panic and i tell him to wait

while i transfer the call to A-san and looking apolegetic that i can't tell her who called.
how very embarrassing.

造幣局へお花見に行きました。

３００種類の桜があります。混んでいました。桜はきれいです。多くの写真を撮りました、でも今怠慢なので、uploadしない。

またあした！

weekend wrap up.

saturday was our last jap lesson. YAY!! Finally... weekends free to roam the country again. 2 days of sleeping in late instead of just one. AHAHAHAHAH

saturday had dinner at a holland restaurant. service was bad. but the food was good.it would have been easier if i had known wat i was ordering then though. the bad thing bout european food, is that the servings are so small.

sunday. went shopping for shoes. but the trip was so depressing. to see so many things i wanted to buy but couldnt becos of damn edb. now i dun even have money to pay rent. haiz haiz haiz.

lunch just finished. today has been more constructive. i dunno if i should feel reassured after yesterday.. i guess i do.

have been reassessing the future. how long distance relationships will work out, whether they will work out at all. i was clearly right that we would drift apart considering the amount of time we had spent together even before i left. haiz. its so easy to feel lonely here without any frens around. and to seek comfort in others. BUT... have found solace in cooking my own maggi mee meals and PS2 games. have no choice but to buy PS2 games that are original. (strangle me, someone). but of cos, only those at a bargain. the reduced price software only costs about S$20. have about 3 PS2 original games and 3 PSP games now i think? big hole in the pocket but then, i do work in a game company.

need some air. can't wait for golden week. should I head to any foreign countries at all? thinking of going to Paris for a week. already have in mind some destinations. like the Louvre, Disneyland, Eiffel tower, notre dame, st sulpice.. love those historic places and museums. or maybe LA. or maybe Korea. going back to Singapore actually costs the same as going to these places if not more. so why not?

difficult decisions. do i have the courage to go sightsee alone?

another morning b4 work begins. sipping a packet of lipton milk tea (cold), bought it from 7-11. convenient form of early morning caffeine, with a taste i like best, sweet and more milky with just a tinge of tea flavour.. they should name it tea milk instead. have tried other flavours of the range of teas, apple, lemon, but none are as good as the original milk tea.

The office is still quite empty despite the morning bell having rang. yes, there's a bell here (just like sch) to indicate the beginning of working hours. and at the end of the work day as well. however, the end work bell doesn't signify the end of hte work day for almost everyone, it just means the freedom to chat in the office, do your own things on the comp and walk around more freely.

today's list of things to do.. i think i have 2 meetings to attend, but since my senior has left, i dun think so.. at least I know what reports I have on hand, and my deadlines for them. thankfully, my bosses are all at meetings. the eye candy of the office has been at a meeting since 8am (b4 i even left the apt), n will be at meetings most of the day. ( i checked his schedule so i noe.. i am sooo cut out to be a stalker.. :p) am i supposed to go out to dinner today? i have no idea. have to save money.. actually it isn't so bad eating at home, i add veges and sotong and mushrooms to my tom yam maggi mee and the noodles turn out great. very healthy i would say.

lunch at the canteen sux. and its not cheap. and the portion they give is pathetically little. how am i supposed to survive on a small bowl of rice that costs a dollar? i have no idea. used to be able to read the STInteractive at work, but not anymore. Because i didn't pay for the subscription! i am now forced to read the New Paper online instead. and the New York Times. so US news and tabloids are all that I'm aware of. and game news of cos. "being aware of industry and competitors actions" is wat I7m doing when surfing the net for game news. I Love it! hahah....

back to work. have a good day everyone..!

finally completed a powerpoint presentation after a tedious day. stupid EDB refuses to give us money until our reports are sent in. haiz. i am now really broke. my supervisor is out of town so how am i supposed to get my stuff signed?! haiz.

have began playing this game by namco that involves rolling this cube thing around and gathering objects. the more objects that stick to it, the more objects can stick to it. something bout the gravitational force existing in each object. anyway, totally my type of game. no brains.. just an aim. heh..

going to go home for dinner le. cooking tom yam maggi mee again. not much choice when i'm poor. oh well.

have been working very hard this week. trying to get the trainees' pay and the damn boss keeps making things difficult for me by asking me difficult questions in jap. b4 he will sign the damn form. hey!! i dun owe u any money!! i need my pay so why are u so difficult? in the end, he realised that it was already late and that we could only get our money AFTeR EDB processes the money so he signed it out of pity. sighz. if only the other person could hurry up on wat she's doing.

been to see the cherry blossoms near our house as well. woke up very early on saturday and went to this place near my apt to see sakuras. the trees are along the whole river, i dun see why the big fuss is there bout seeing the flowers. I saw pple actually stay overnite just to have a gd spot. they are beautiful, but they're also just flowers. weird. anyway, have posted up pictures. enjoy the beautiful sakura. this year, it has been late, but finally they are in full bloom. enjoy..

Sakura along the river


how the sakura really looks like.


sakura flowers with the clear blue sky as background


reflected flowers


another species of Sakura

almost friday!

my blog seems to be centering around how it is going to be friday soon.

its been almost 3 months since I've been in Japan. haven't seemed to have done anything much, except i can survive in Japan le i think. I still can't speak fluently, cos business vocab is not wat i know.. although i can do survival japanese, in the office, all the technical terms are friving me crazy. but.. learning some words everyday..

not much communication btw singapore and me, except with my family sometimes on skype. quite nice to hear their voices, and it really is true, that i can only achieve harmony with my parents if i dun live at home. haiz. when i go back, perhaps i can buy a car or something. then have my own independence, dun have to ask them anymore.

well.. back to work... sighz. the canteen food made me feel nauseaus and i cant think very well now.

i haven't blogged in a few days i think. (i also think I'm losing my memory.. )

weekend went to sweets harbor, this place in kobe near the harbour. (hence the name) it was great. desserts galore. http://www.beeskiss.com
DELICIOUS! it was heaven... almost fainted when i had the first taste of the wonderful things there..

sat on the ferris wheel to see a view of Kobe and port island as well. Beautiful. I love ferris wheels. have sat on 2 since i've been here and it is a really wonderful feeling to be above looking down as if u are one of the stars in the sky. haiz.

finally april. can't wait for the money to be disbursed. been having a lot of up and down feelings lately. but i think things are looking up. things i have to buy:
1. TV
2. small fridge
3. maybe maybe a vacuum cleaner.
4. more games!
5. maybe a dvd player. else just more clothes and eat more. hehe..

oh places i must go..
1.Aichi - world expo. they're displaying the Mammoth they found in siberia Full-scale the real thing. wow. how many chances do u get to see that?!
2. Skiing. maybe this will have to wait to the end of the year.
3. to the bEACH! i'm getting so pale. haiz. and the cold. I'M SICK OF THE COLD!!
4. Tokyo. disneyland.

i guess this means just one thing - the first thing i have to do is save money. hahahahahah..

a little tipsy.. just went to a bar for the first time in japan. their vodka lime is DAMN strong. 99% vodka and 1% lime.. argh.. it did not taste good.

watched Howl'S moving Castle! kimutaku did not sound like him. sianz. but overall, roughly understood the movie even though there were no subtitles. after that dinner at a real sushi place. it was a good outing. waiting for the next one...