千八百三十六： Picking up

Have been very slack on myself for the past year. Some things that should get done..

1. to start french lessons again for the autumn session (begins October I think) and carry on at least until I get a cert.
2. should i retake JLPT1 again... ? the form alone costs 500 yen & registration is 5500yen. Actually I should, since chance of losing my job this year is super high :( but registration period I won't be in JP... how huh....
3. try to find a job in JP soon.

very stressed with the prospect of having no job by end of the year. should I even begin to consider having kids? :(

千八百三十五： bleah

Feeling drowsy & drugged up still, unable to wake up this morning despite sleeping > 25 hours in total the whole of sunday and tummy feels very weird, like I'm in a constant state of gastritis & nausea. Does the drug do that to you?

千八百三十四： Ｆｌｕ

Espirit cap, A&F t-shirt, Uniqlo dry pants, coach swingpack + 1 canon ixy camera

I've been down with flu since last monday evening, the doctor said since I wasn't a high risk person i.e. pregnant or with other diseases, she won't be checking if I was H1N1. fever went up to 37.9 at one point, but didn't feel any cough or sore throat.

eating Tamiflu, & runny nose tablets daily & finally fever went down mostly after 4 days, but now i'm wondering if i should continue to eat panadol with a fever of 37.1 degrees? Feeling kinda drugged up these few days with all the medicine, head hurts & weird dreams as well. I been waking up at 4.01am nightly for no reason in between dreams.

boss keeps asking me for ideas on how to train new people. with my groggy state of mind, it's hard to be trying to recover whilst to think up stuff to train people. (being lowest paid in the ranks doesn't really help..) perhaps he should let me recover first .... :(

千八百三十三： still alive

ok just to let everyone know that I'm still alive :)

千八百三十二： Holiday

Will be taking a holiday for the next week.

yesterday, ugly side showed again.

(sorry xinhuan, i know you said don't blog unhappy stuff cos that will just imprint it forever in your memories but I really need to complain)

It was 1 am.
there was still laundry hanging out at the balcony.
As I was trying to pack still & he had finished & was surfing on the iphone, I asked him to get it. he said no, he wants to sleep le, even though we were not going to be in the house at least for the next week, he was going to just leave the clothes outside (mainly his underwear i would like to add). Which showed :
1. he didnt appreciate the effort of the laundry I had tried to clear in a hurry & took the time to hang up to dry such that if it rains or wat he don't care anyway.

I knew it was definitely going to rain so I decided to go take the clothes in myself at 1.30am. Took them in, maybe 4 pieces were his underwear. I asked him to just fold them and keep. he took them, and just threw them in the underwear drawer AFTER HE MaDE A BIG FUSS ABOUT HOW I DIDN'T FOLD HIS UNDERWEAR CORRECTLY THE PREVIOUS TIME. I asked him why he did that (the not folding) he said, cos I want to sleep already. I got super furious. SO WHY DID he make the big fuss about folding his clothes THE CORRECT WAY when I already made the effort to fold nicely even??! F#$%^&* so meaning the next time i can just dump his clothes in his drawer since he doesn't mind unfolded underwear? he mumbled in a self righteous tone, depends on situation... which showed again how selfish he was, he didnt care how late i needed to stay up clearing these things so that he can sleep earlier, instead of staying up a little to help clear housework so that we both can sleep earlier. After saying that, he went back to playing with his phone. for > 10 min which probably wouldn't take that long to fold his underwear. I was super buay song by then and just sarcastically said, " I thought you wanted to sleep?!" He pretended not to hear me.

Just glad no more housework for the next week. I hope sincerely that he is afraid that I will not be returning from singapore the next time i returns to SG. it sounds like a threat but believe me, if you are the one living with him, you would definitely want to do the same.

千八百三十一： kids

At his friend's place, their concern was are we going to have kids soon?

I say not yet and they were like "oh but he going to be 40 soon" etc.

I know. So?

I can't feel that he is going to be a good father, I can't feel him being committed to having a family. I can't contact him when I need to, too often, if we have kids, anything happens, he doesn't answer his phone, who do I turn to? MIL/FIL are too old. He doesn't treat me, his "family", with very much importance for me to even consider having kids for him. I'm just someone who does the housework and makes breakfast for him daily, keeping house for him? I don't really feel that he is keen to come home earlier daily, a simple call to let me know he is having dinner outside he isn't able to do & i end up trying to call him the whole night to a busy tone. he doesn't console me when I'm sad, when I voice up issues he just treats it like I'm being quarrelsome and he keeps quiet until I get too exasperated and sleeps.

It's only been 2 months plus living together, & I'm really really sick of his behaviour & attitude. I definitely love him less than before, there's nothing about marriage being for the long run if it's all 1-sided trying to make it work. If he really wants to try my patience there isn't much of it left. When I'm back in sg i'll definitely not want to be back as long as I can. He can have watever life he wants.

千八百三十： Electronics Shopping

Last week was swamped with work again.. Due to people who can't seem to get the requirements & coding right, we have to keep going back and forth arguing what's right and asking the person to change this and that. the right thing gets changed, the wrong thing also gets changed, it's so exasperating!! mentally super tired out by the weekend. rarely that I don't even want to touch Outlook over the weekend, but that happened this week.

Did a ton of electronics shopping over the weekend, because it was bonus time for Japanese pple & besides bonus sales, there was summer sales springing up all over the place. Bought a 42 inch Regza, microwave oven, and toaster, kitchen rack, & some beauty related stuff. bought a fan last week finally as well but then immediately it started to rain everyday after that and the weather got cooler ..... -.- will get the tv tmr! quite excited, finally can set up the Wii & everything.

finally rushed out the scrapbook today, but abit sad the 2nd book of dinner pics was totally just pics and no scrapbooking.. no time :(

千八百二十九： Michael Jackson's Last act

Video shows vigorous Jackson before death

watching him perform, you forget about all the weird stuff he has been doing to himself and just remember & see & hear him as king of pop. He doesn't even look 50 in his performance..