千七百九十四： Tired

this is a really tiring weekend.

I am glad we could help to settle the administrative matters for Ayaka though.

I really feel very sorry for her family. How they manage to do all these in grief. i will never understand. :(

千七百九十三： Packing

I just hate to pack.

& then having to unpack.

was trying to pack most of my desk today, and I realise in my attempt to be environment frenly, ie, using rough papers both sides from printouts that were unwanted, saving paper bags, etc, I have hoarded a lot of stuff on my desk and to decide what to throw away is so difficult.

how i miss the days akane was around to share half the rough paper usage with me.

she'll be back this saturday, I've offered her my couch to stay if she needed a place for about a week.

I have to start making time to meet friends and their farewell gifts as well.
so many things to do and I have zero mood to do...

千七百九十二： Marley & Me

I wonder.

I watched the movie with H today. The movie today was funny, but not a tear came to my eyes when the girl & the guy beside me started sniffing. I sat through it dry-eyed, but i enjoyed the movie alot. the dog (marley) was so so so cute, and the movie put me off both having a dog & kids. haha.

Saw trailers for so many other shows, Handsome Suit (ハンサムスーツ) etc. Don't know if I have enough time to watch them all?

Trying to organise a paintball session after the original organiser got mad at me. but getting a pretty good response so far. :)

procrastinating about packing. & I haven't cancelled my FF gym membership yet. only about.. 24 days left in sg.

千七百九十： the week..

hmm. nothing much i have been doing nowadays except work & trying to stop grieving.

went to Japan last thursday for the funeral & wake, it was so super sad, i think singapore funerals are too noisy for people to really grieve and cry, in japan it was the quiet kind with just the monk chanting and you really get in to the sadness of the whole thing. i dunno. it wasn't her in the coffin. but i would say she did managed to bring us and her different groups of friends from all over to come together and support each other in this difficult time. she did managed to introduce her family to me as well...

Went to Bintan last sunday with Marini & the girls to angsana spa. it was so good i fell asleep (again...) and woke up not knowing what happened between the leg massage & the end. -.-




Memorial service for Ayaka in singapore on wednesday. I tried to speak, managed to, but i don't know why my left hand was shaking so badly. :(

千七百九十： Insomnia

I've now full fledged insomnia.

I'm not really thinking about anything but I just can't seem to sleep..

千七百八十九： Memorial Service

There will be a memorial service for Ayaka at Fort Canning Park Centre, White Studio on 2009/3/18 (Wednesday)

The memorial service will start at 6:00pm and will last around half an hour.

千七百八十八： in japan

In Japan now, it's freezing.
I dunno is it because of the cold in me or outside.

This is the first time I'm there not to meet ryo in a long time.
& I won't even see him at all because he is out of the country.

Will be back saturday evening.

work is a mess.
I'm not listening when people are talking cos there is always someone /something else in my head.

really apologise for the mess, please let me have sometime to pull myself together. I will try to.

千七百八十七： 辛い

Seeing the other girls' faces in the office made me feel alot worse today.

everyone else had swollen eyes, didn't sleep well, probably thinking of the last time they saw her and trying to recall all the happy memories they had together.

Blake made the "official" announcement today, and I thought I would be ok, but the officiality of it seemed to just confirm this whole shit and make it real and i burst out crying. I guess people not that close to me were surprised, since they didn't know how close we were.

I thought I was ok to put flowers at her desk without losing control of my emtions, but seeing her desk and her name tag and everything there (laptop left open, her jacket at her chair) just forced me into tears again and I couldnt' stop. sorry to everyone who became very sad because of me crying :( I just kept thinking, why why why????? and so many things we were supposed to be doing together, and the tears just couldn't stop.

I don't know how long it will take before I can wake up in the morning and not even shed tear for her..

千七百八十六： Why

i don't know who i can keep pouring out my grief again and again the same words to so I decided to do something for Ayaka. I've been crying the whole evening, i don't know when I'll stop, every thought of her brings tears to my eyes.

i haven't done anything for her this year.

I still am in denial or shock or angry or watever people feel when their best fren at work has passed away due to some freak accident. and I'll never get to see her again.

Y was my wedding a prelude to this disaster.

千七百八十五： ５

I cannot believe this.

i should have given you my flu so that u were unable to go diving this week.

i haven't even properly said thank you for everything you've helped me with.

we already had plans for golden week.

why..

千七百八十四： さよなら

Yikes.

Have decided on the date to leave.
Update - date has been changed
【Singapore - Osaka】Flight: SQ618 Date: 2009/4/18 Time: 1.10am Venue: Terminal 3

(T.T)

i don't want to leave my friends!!

now have to pack somemore.

although I feel quite settled back into the long distance relationship thing again le.