千九百十七： Turned 28

Just turned 28.

Feeling a teensy bit blue.

I don't know if it's work blues or birthday blues or just the general blues about getting older or just the feeling of the blueness that a birthday has passed.

I just keep having the feeling that something is lacking. Not sure what is it, but i hope i find it soon. The feeling is almost driving me nuts.

I don't know why I just keep having this weird feeling in the pit of my tummy, like the world is going to collapse around me any moment soon.

I think I must learn to not get sentimental or attached to anything or anyone because it all becomes old when people find such attachment too close for comfort after alot of "I miss u"s when you are not around. Only when you are gone will people start to appreciate how much you mean to them but it's too late. How many chances do you give for people to find out how much they need you? It may be too late for anything to change. Or we are just trying to change things to be the way we wanted them to be but it's just not the same with all the extra hurt and spaces we forced in between over the years. Events that have happened don't just get erased from memory, how do we really forget anything or avoid living in the shadows of other people's past? Maybe we are all just too jaded and tired to face the truth for now.

千九百十六： Tiny Achievements

never wake a sleeping dog..

Almost 28 years old. I don't feel any birthday excitement this year though. Maybe because I'm so entrenched in work for the past month. and will be as well for the next 2 months. Woke up this morning and my mom was in the room and I thought that she was in to wake me for work. I had no idea what day it was, that it was a Saturday, and had to confirm with her before conking out in bed again.

Watched Legend of the Fist last night, remake of a Bruce Lee movie with Donnie Yen (Ip Man) as lead. I thought it would have been better if there was less gore, more kungfu fights, and less Bruce Lee imitation. If it's a remake, is it necessary to imitate Bruce Lee's signature screeches?? the last fight scene was a disappointment, just the lead punching the hell out of the face of the JP general and that's it. -.-

Been trying to improve on animal photos I guess. maybe scenery shots too? humans are so hard to shoot. Thinking if I should get myself a wide-angle lens as a reward for working so hard. :D speaking of achievements, I managed to finally run my personal best longest distance in my life w/o stopping. yay! not a big deal to many i suppose, but 7.5km is definitely very far for me. Going to aim for 10km in a week or 2 hopefully! :)

千九百十五： Karma

Been thinking alot about Karma lately.

the usual stuff about more tolerance towards others, be less critical, be more selfless, be more self-reflecting, put others before yourself etc.

I'm wondering if that's a mistake, because no one cares, no matter how often you put people before yourself, they will only remember the few times when u might have put yourself first (because it gets tiring and sometimes you have needs too??). Despite the times when I might have felt slight irritation at others but suppressed saying anything because it was really minor and just put it out of mind after a moment's thought instead of saying it because it really doesn't matter in the big picture and you just think about nice things the person has done for u and no one is perfect anyway? or just went along and hope that the next time I might get to do what I want, but usually I don't but there's always next time right? But if I get unhappy about people, it's bad karma for myself and all I do is ask for feedback so that I can better myself.

OK. enough rambling perhaps.
Been feeling very tired mentally and quite down in the dumps and just want time to be with myself and really think things through very very clearly and just hope I can do the right thing as I go along.

In SG now, but kinda wished I wasn't back. Miss the peace I had in my own place in JP. Miss doing things at my own pace, and kinda miss the little shops that I always jog pass because they let me know how far i've jogged.

I guess i have to adapt back to here and start training for my runs in SG too..

saw a deer who is blind in one eye when we went to Nara.. it's kind of sad :(