千九百九十七: Early morning ramblings

Feeling all unable to sleep now that bb woke me up at 4.30am for some unknown reason. Forgive me for the slightly messy post as this is from the phone, & I'm feeling a little lonely, having not really spoken to any real person lately.

Bb turns 9 months old today. Which reminds me that I need to bring her for her health check. (4th month and 9th month health checks are mandatory in Japan)

I think we've more or less settled in the new place (unpacked enough to live, the rest of the boxes are half opened and living from them in a need to basis. ) did I mention how the mil keeps insisting on coming over to "help"? She called and aid "you must be having a hard time! I'll come over now!" I was working, and i wasn't even unpacking or having any hard time so I said "huh? No, i'm perfectly fine opening like 2 boxes daily and slowly unpacking" & she paused for a while before insisting I'm having a hard time. Huh???? & said she'll come over to help me open boxes. Which sounded quite ridiculous to me, as why would I want fo open the boxes when I wasn't intending to unpack them yet?? So i told her why would i open them when I have nowhere to put them? & she seemed not to understand that I prefer to unpack on my own time, and all she does when she come over is make the bb cry. When she does that, i'm totally unable to do anything else since i have to carry the bb and soothe her. Also, her /fil being around means i can't walk around the house in my pjs sans underwear. I insisted that i'm working and am busy b4 she finally understood that she wasn't coming. As expected, she called Ryo over the weekend to try to come over again, but luckily we were out at ikea buying stuff for the house. If only Ryo just tells them directly. I'm not allowed to be rude so i try to be civil about it and give all sorts of excuses but he can say things directly to his own parents right!

I think i'm finally falling asleep so maybe i'll continue this later.

千九百九十六： Packing up

empty shelves

It's almost moving day! (7th April to be exact)

How fast time flies! I remember flying here in April 2009, and suddenly it's been 4 years and we're finally moving out into a house of our own.

Thanks to this being a rental apartment, and being a tiny tiny place, I didn't buy much stuff to decorate, which made packing quite a breeze since it's mostly large items, books, clothes and basically easy to pack stuff.  Dishes, utensils in the kitchen have special utensil boxes which means no more wrapping with newspapers. Shoes have a shoe box (like a shoe cupboard, you just stuff shoes in them directly). Anything that can't be put in the boxes will be moved by the moving company directly. Which is quite alot of stuff actually, since the boxes are not that big. I've taken the chance to do an inventory of my clothing, which has been quite surprising so far, 13 pairs of jeans can you believe it?! Some are from my uni days, which actually, for a span of 9 years, is not that many pairs. I did accumulate lots of running attire in the last few years, which means I should make full use of them this year. I've signed up for 2 runs in sg so far, which is an incentive to train, now the only bottleneck is bb. Things should slightly improve after moving day, I can go do rounds at Meriken Park near the new place.

This is a video of the moving company - 

I think they are pretty cool! if you see the video, you'll know what I'm talking about. Of course, the people in the video paid for the moving people to pack everything for them, which I think is not really necessary in our case. & of course not paying them to unpack for us as well, I think it's weird that I would know where I want to put my stuff in my new place in advance. 

My MIL keeps insisting on coming to help us pack, but I've managed to fend her off so far. Firstly, she is old and can't carry any heavy things. Also, she isn't very tall, can't reach for tall  shelves. If anything happens to her (falls, injures herself) I would have more problems on my hands - how to take care of the baby as well? She asked me to bring the bb over instead, I was thinking, how is that a help when the baby doesn't really like you, cries after you carry her for 30 min, and needs milk in 2-3 hours? And if I'm at home, I still can pack here and there slowly, with no rush, but if she comes here to help look after the baby, I would be pressured to pack as much as I can just cause she is there? when I still have 2 weeks to stay here, I don't want to put everything into the boxes yet! We've already encountered some situations when we think oh shit, damn, we packed xxx into the boxes already, when we needed some stuff. And somemore, I'm supposed to be working on weekdays, after 4 years, she still doesn't seem to understand what working means. She sometimes insist on coming over on weekdays in the daytime, of course if she comes over, she will sit and chat for 2 hours. The other day, she came over and immediately bb who was in a good mood originally, started wailing. Because she tried to carry /touch her. I want to tell her to chill, let bb get familiarised with her first, and seriously, as an adult i have my personal space radius, I think bb also has, which is why she always gets pissed off by the mil because she just invades people's personal space. I don't like people touching me eg hair, hand or what, but she is the touchy kind of person and frankly, I hate it! ok .. I'm just letting off steam here, but maybe being alone most of the time has made me an even more prickly person around others. But I think the one thing that stuck me with the foul impression is that the first time she came over, she opened my drawers w/o permission. and the closed doors to my other rooms. Have you seen anyone come into other pple's houses and just open the drawers in their cupboards w/o asking!? She is a nice person in general, but like I said, I'm prickly and fussy and I remember such things quite clearly. so.. I can only say, as hard as I try to be civil and respectful when I have to interact with her, I just try to avoid seeing her as much as I can.

Ok I guess that's enough complaining for this post. Moving on to packing t-shirts /dresses today! 

千九百九十五： Here and There

BB starts eating bread!

Feb is always such a short short month! I guess it's because of the London trip in Jan which took up half the month, and after that, my parents came over to Japan which took up the first half of Feb.

Some thoughts on London. It was a good trip, much better than the first trip, because I got to see both my sisters, Henrietta, XQ, Chris, and also Julius, which was less lonely than the trip in 2010 for sure! It feels like I've just returned from the first trip; it's still quite fresh in our minds (all of us can still remember some of the small memorable stuff from 2010 like watching the man change the paper ads in the tube station). Bad weather for week 1 unfortunately, so much snow and it was almost freezing cold. Week 2 was actually sunny, and sunny for most of the week! Yes, in gloomy London, where sunlight is so rare. This trip we were slightly richer than 3 years ago, so we ate better food, went on more side trips, visited Liverpool, Manchester United stadium, Brighton, Cadbury World, went on the Jack the Ripper tour, watched an Arsenal soccer premier league game, had a proper English Tea at Bea's, and ate at a few Jamie Olivers' restaurants. (ok, i only noticed there are his restaurants all over the place this trip) My sis also introduced the wonderful flavourtown cupcakes to me. Actually living in London might suit me better if not for the weather. and British men are very sharp, very good looking! My only regret is that I still didn't get to visit Stonehenge yet, argh.

This time there was the baby too, which made travelling alot more difficult, but I'm glad we all survived it. Everyone around sorta grew to understand how difficult baby-watching is, but without all their help, I don't think I would have been able to travel properly, kudos to especially the men for helping to carry the baby. Imagine carrying a sack of rice for >8 hours a day, for 5 days! I almost broke my back the first week, but at least my sister carried the bag and camera. The best thing about visiting my sis in London is the nua-ness of the trip. Besides the days we planned to travel out, I managed to read quite a bit (it was hard to knit with the baby around, usually I had no 2 free hands at the same time) and had finally a proper rest from work which I really really needed, thanks to colleagues who didn't assign me anything after I went to London. So I revisited some of the places I had wandered to on my own 3 years ago with my sis / Julius and the baby, and was able to take better pictures with a better camera now as well :p

After I got back to Japan, it was a few days of rest (and lots of unpacking and cleaning up) before my parents visited for the CNY holidays. Their main aim was to see the baby, since they haven't seen her for 4 months. I'm actually quite glad they came, because even though we quarrel alot, my mum is probably the only person I absolutely trust who can handle the baby even if I'm not around since she is the only person who literally watched the bb grow up when she was born. Meaning, I can take long showers, sleep in late, enjoy meals my mum cook and basically relax and rest when my mum is around since my dad & her wants to play with the baby. Took them around Osaka, Kobe, ate quite abit of nice food, since this is Dad's first proper trip to Japan. We also managed to go to Hiroshima via the shinkansen, and ate lots and lots of oysters :D I think the baby was quite sad when they left because no one was around to play with her anymore.. I think she has finally reverted back to the lonely baby mode now though.

It's back to work now, after all the trips and visitors have left. Ryo is still away for work quite often, currently, so I'm trying to survive alot by myself with the baby. I don't know if it's getting easier or harder, but the baby sleeps less nowadays, and she needs food. I am only thankful that I'm still breastfeeding her, which has saved me almost 8 months of formula $$ and all the having to bring out the milk powder etc when going out. Nowadays, just 2 pieces of diapers, wet wipes and a change of clothes for the baby, are all I need for the baby. Although I'm quite lazy to bring the baby out by myself (because the baby is quite heavy, and I prefer using carrier because the baby stroller is very very hard to carry up and down the steps of the train station), I try to bring the baby out for a walk or to run errands once a week during the weekdays. I guess it's better for her than sitting around at home all week with me. Also, the discovery of baby led weaning is wonderful for lazy parents like myself as well. Just give the baby some food from your own plate that wasn't overly spiced and watch her chomp the food up happily instead of cooking yucky porridge for her. I really dislike porridge so I can't imagine having to eat porridge everyday just because I have to cook a small bowl for my baby. YUCK!

Next up, to train up for the half marathon in May!

千九百九十四：New Year Resolutions 2013

bb says Happy New Year!

the 2012 resolutions : http://booboogal.blogspot.jp/2012/01/2012-resolutions.html
1. Read 80 books - fail / only managed 72 cos I started all the knitting.
2. Only be nice to people who deserved it - hmm I think I kinda managed this, I think I just shrugged off alot of stuff last year.
3. Detox my life - semi-successful, again this is a subjective resolution, so maybe shrugged off / ignored those toxic people in the end.
4. Appreciate my parents more - I think our relationship improved alot, mainly there is the baby, of course it was a difficult time during the end of pregnancy and the start of having a baby, but nowadays I just chat with my mum on the phone which is easier than shouting with each other face to face.
5. Be in Japan more. - I was in Sg in Jan, 1 week in Feb, June, July, August, Sep, Oct. ok.. that was half a year.. maybe fail this resolution
6. Finish French elementary - fail - I think I can forget about going to any classes with the bb from now on..

for the 2013 ones, took me quite a while to come up with stuff.
1. Read 50 books - cut down the number due to bb being around giving me less time to read, although now I feel that I might be able to read quite a bit since its harder to knit with the bb.
2. Get one of my dreams started. This is sorta just at it's beginning stage so might take quite a while still
3. Get through the year in 1 piece. Just hope to get through this year smoothly with bb in general I guess, no big dreams this year of major travel or achievements.

千九百九十三： Looking back on 2012

5 months old - figuring out her fingers

The end of 2012 is here! The end of the world came & went though, & we all survived :p  i wonder what happened to the people who believed it & ended their lives (resigned their jobs, spent all their money etc)

It's time to look back on the year; this year flew by very quickly, last year at this time I was just pregnant, now bb is 5 months old + .. so fast! & as I write this, I realised this is why I need to blog, as age comes, I can't really remember what I did in the year, so even a summary blogpost a month helps me remember what I did in the past year (looking at my own archives now haha)

My 2012 in short:
January - New Year, & CNY in SG with family and friends. First time I had such a fun New Year's day , usually I'm snoozing at home by midnight 31-Dec.

February  - Tokyo Marathon with the guys, & all the touring around Tokyo of course. My favourite part was  the meal at Bills at Kamakura (for no particular reason, the memory of it just brings warmth into my tummy)

March - Saw Mount Fuji upclose for the first time at Kawakoguchi - it was really a WOOOOOOOW moment. The day before was snowy and cloudy and cold, basically a bad day for even travelling, & we had reached the ryokan not even knowing which direction Mount Fuji was at. & the next morning, it was the sun streaming through the window that woke me, I looked out and was shocked at the sight of the majestic view of the mountain so clear against the blue sky. I'm not a mountain person (don't ask me to climb any!) but this was just magnificent! in case you want to feel the same woooooow I did, the picture here might do it for you:



if you don't feel it, go see it in spring / summer, you won't regret this!

Moving on,
April - Mum & cousin Rina visited me in Japan at the best time of the year, when the sakura was blooming.. Quarrelled alot as usual with my mum, but all in all, it was good to have people over.

May -  Solar eclipse - first ever full solar eclipse for me! It was really cool, even though my equipment isn't that great, managed to shoot through my sunglasses and got at least 1good shot. if you want to see the pics:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexxis/sets/72157629925829026/with/7283025400/

June - KL/ Marathon - last overseas trip for me before having a baby, went with the guys to KL on their marathon weekend. Best part of KL as usual, is the Angsana spa visit! This is probably my favourite branded spa in the whole world, nearly 4 hours of bliss at only S$100+++ thanks to the weak ringgit. My 2nd favourite would be Willow Stream at Fairmont, but they cost a bomb.

July - bb Mirei arrived! Happy that she's out of me, but confinement was the worst month of my life. Secret showers had to be taken to keep my sanity. & no cold drinks! Still don't know what the reasons for torturing new mums are, but someone should abolish them!

August - Staycation at MBS after surviving confinement - Ryo came to sg for bb's first month party & then we headed for a short vacation at MBS. It wasn't really much of a vacation with a 1 month bb around, but at least we got some time away from my parents to just spend time as a small little family.

September - The big 30. - Best part of it was that my sis was in SG for a short break since the last time I saw her was in 2011 in Italy. Had alot of work to clear the night before, so the day itself was just a quiet affair with my mum, bb, sis & Calvin spent at Tiong Bahru Bakery. Youngest sis was MIA.

October - Nike Run -  I managed to complete my first post-delivery 10km! It was not easy .. since I haven't trained for a year, and was run/walking the whole way with a 1h 15 min timing..

November - Osaka Marathon - Back in Japan, bb took some time to get used to her new home. Visitors from Singapore was probably the highlight of the month & the feeling of emptiness after they left was quite bad knowing that the next trip to sg was >6 months later and by then, bb would be almost a year old.

December - Xmas / NY holidays! - Sort of holiday.. first time visiting the Kobe luminaire, and lights in osaka, usually we are so lazy as a couple + the weather is so cold that we just hibernate on our couch. Looking forward to bringing bb for her first NY temple visit on 1-1-2013.

After listing out the above, I realised I could have just easily referred to facebook (-.-!).

other notable achievements in 2012 - grew my first ever tomato (Ryo ate it), crocheted a hat for the baby, a pouch for me, a sorta scarf, learnt how to knit and came up with 3 scarfs so far - one for my youngest sis, one as a wedding gift & one as a xmas/birthday gift. The last one being this :　

grey & beige cashmere scarf as a birthday gift

Upcoming projects - 2 more scarfs for my parents coming to Japan for CNY, learn how to make socks / gloves and a proper scarf for the bb (hopefully?) 

2 more days to 2013. Happy new year every one! 

千九百九十二： Autumn

autumn leaves

Ok this is a late post for November (I realised I hadn't posted anything after returning to Japan at all, partly cos I've been overwhelmed with the task of handling the bb alone).

What happened in November -
1. bb & mummy settled down back in Kobe
2. bb is now 4 months ++ old
3. bb is able to flip on her right side (she can't flip back, just makes alot of noise after flipping to get us to move her)

4. Highlight of the month was that Julius & Yuh Soon came over from 16th Nov to 26th Nov for the Osaka marathon and sightseeing. Stayed at my place, which was a big help to me, because the more hands to look after bb and I actually felt like I was saner despite all the sightseeing making my legs tired haha. bb loves company as well, Julius was very good with her, helping to change her diaper sometimes and keeping her quiet / playing with her when I had to attend calls, while Yuh Soon helped to carry her stuff in his bag.  Ryo was away the first week in NY also, which made it even more helpful that they were here. Just nice the autumn leaves were out as well, very beautiful scenery everywhere.

5. Quite stressed out by MIL in particular, whenever  I visit. I'm not the kind that goes around brimming with enthusiasm or how should I say this - i dunno how to handle people who tells the baby oh you are so cute 10 times in a row or continuously says to the baby "oh i wanted to see u so badly!" (erhhh?? hinting to me??) and then she sorta keeps on going on about it when we want to leave because we have errands to run and chores to do about how we seldom visit, the last time we visited was a month ago (which was totally not true! we visited her only like 2 weeks ago so I felt even more irritated at this trick to try to guilt trip us!) and her way of snatching the bb away the moment we let our guard down (yes I feel that she really is waiting for us to let our guard down so that she can carry the baby herself). I mean, why do you need to *snatch*, it's not like I don't let you carry, but the bb is mine, when she cries for me, all the more she just shakes her harder and that just makes her cry harder. same old issue, she keeps saying "is she hungry is she hungry" and I hate that, why are you implying that i don't feed bb enough. She's in the 75th percentile, don't even ask stupid questions! and then the hubby don't understand this, it's not that I want to keep bb away, but i really want time at home and not rush here and there at least 1 day. there are some things I can only do on weekends when he is around and sitting around for hours at the IL's place is not helping.

6. Knitted my first proper scarf all by myself and sent it to Frieda as her wedding gift. I hope she likes it, it was a mad rush because I had not much time and all the knitting was done on public transport when the bb was ok with me not carrying her.

the completed scarf

December - I think the year just flew by (maybe cos of bb) and I can't really think of any major events this month except I have to start making all the new year / xmas cards. Oh, & beginning my long leave, because working in the day with bb not sleeping is almost impossible now. We have to go buy a walker for her soon. Looking forward to Jan though - will see my sisters and some friends in London!

千九百九十一： Struggling Along

bb lifting her head higher & higher each time

Bb is almost 3 months old! in another 3 days to be exact. Come to think of it, it's really quite amazing how a single cell organism grew into this cute little thing!

Her growth seems to be on track - just went to a 3 month follow up at KKH & the pediatrician said she was growing well! A little on the bigger side, but that's not a bad thing since she doesn't look like the Michelin man yet. She's drooling alot these days, chewing on her fingers and fist, which is an early sign of teething. Hopefully she doesn't bite me accidentally or purposely in future. Can't imagine the pain if she chomps down while drinking milk. from her mummy. eeeeeks!

I've been bringing bb almost everywhere I go. Places that allow babies at least. She's a big hit at group dinners, wedding dinners because she is such a friendly bb who allows everyone to carry her and then she chatters on and on and smiles at people so everyone wants a hand in carrying her. My parents have been helpful in taking care of the bb when I do want to go out on my own, I guess they enjoy the time with the bb since now there is an ample supply of frozen milk in the fridge. I finally watched my first musical, Avenue Q! It was quite an impulse decision, because I had always thought it was muppets related  so why would I want to pay $100+ just to watch the muppets! In the end, it was a hilarious musical due to the adult themed songs, we just kept laughing from start to end. I wouldn't mind watching it again definitely!

In another 1.5 weeks, it's time to go back to Japan again. Time really flies (T.T) I've been here 4 months this time and it feels like i've only really enjoyed myself the first and last month (for very obvious reasons). I do feel quite excited at the thought of finally introducing bb to our home & also to do everything the way I want, hopefully it won't be too much of a struggle.

千九百九十：oh crap i'm 30

bb at 8 weeks making faces at me

Well.. the day has arrived sooner than expected. First birthday present is from a friend received last week, although I haven't known her for long, she remembered my birthday which very much surprised me (& I'm quite touched). She has been looking out for me quite often in the past year which I'm very very thankful for. 2nd present was not so great though, a bunch of bugs. As in system bugs. Signoff for a big project is due tomorrow, & here I am at 3.32am trying to regress the bugs. Why am I doing this at this hour, you might ask, well... blame the dumbo engineers who like to leave things to the last minute. Can't they patch stuff 2 days ago? grrr... Hopefully I won't have to work until the same hours tomorrow night. This year is extra special because my sister is back from London in Singapore; we haven't had a chance to all gather at home since... 2009? & that was because of my wedding. now we have one more little lady in the house, my dad must be feeling the heat / noise from all the female hormones around him. It's been fun having someone at home in the afternoon to play kinect with & also to just help with the baby or to correct my knitting (which turns out has been wrong the whole time ...) The house will be so quiet next week (T.T)

千九百八十九：Almost 30

just love this innocent look at age 6 weeks

It's nearly 2 months of looking after a baby , & less than a month to my 30th birthday.

After such a long time of being young (usually I'm always the youngest at my workplace somehow, at the age of 20++) suddenly 30 sounds very old. No wonder Rachel in Friends refused to come out of her room on her birthday. I'm trying not to be bothered about it, but it's hard. The only consolation is that I've achieved most of what I wanted to before 30.

Before 30 (in no particular order)

• Completed a marathon
• Got married / had a baby 
• Still earning my own keep
• Living overseas
• Got my degree somehow
• Maintained zero debts 
• Managed to build up & hold on to some sort of investment portfolio which cannot feed me as passive income but can sell if in a pinch.
• Travelled to most of the cities I've always wanted to go (eg New York, Paris, London, Rome etc) 
• Saw Kimura Takuya in real life no less than 2m away at a SMAP concert when his crane like apparatus stopped right in front of me

Unfilfilled aspirations 

• I still can't speak French fluently
• I haven't properly travelled to other parts of France
• I want to watch a baseball match with Ichiro playing!
• Complete a marathon within 5 hours. 
• Start my own business somehow. still thinking of how to do it & what kind of business it should be. 
• Own my own home - this should be fulfilled next year! 
• Be able to bake all sorts of goodies and make all sorts of desserts
• Able to sew/knit make stuff really well

hmm.. I guess in the nearest sense, what I want to be able to do in the coming year is just be able to cope with working and looking after the baby at the same time (& I do have that competitive streak that I want my bb to be able to start walking etc really fast!) It's been a very challenging time the past 1.5 months, especially when I lack sleep and also learning to not let the baby restrict my social life and how to cope with work/baby at the same time. Even when I feel very very tired, it's just not possible to be angry with the bb (because i choose to have the bb; the bb didn't choose me) and when she gives the wide-eye pouty look, your heart just melts and smiles with her. I'm pretty thankful she only cries when she is hungry or wants to be carried (so far) but hopefully our communication will only improve with time :) 

千九百八十八：3 Weeks Young

thinking what to have for lunch today - wait it's milk!

 My bb is 3 weeks old (young?) today!

Confinement still sucks, but at least there's only 1 week more to go. Caterers confirmed for the 1st month party, staycation planned, made plans to see the Harry Potter/Andy Warhol exhibitions, go to Gardens by the bay with my family, am just looking forward to be able to drink coke & shower 10 times a day again!!

A little late to do this, but guess I should write about how the delivery went. I can't believe it was only 3 weeks ago; the past weeks feel like months have passed. Maybe because I slept so little every day and the monotony of being at home.

I had tummy cramps & felt very grouchy on the day before the delivery, which I had attributed to work and also the sitting on my bed the whole day to do work. I had no appetite, (very irritated that dinner was none of my favourite foods) and gave Ryo a call before bed to tell him to please please please get his bags packed. Slept like a pig after that, which luckily I did, because I woke up at around 4am with a sharp pain in my tummy which only lasted less than a minute. Thought it was nothing, tried to go back to sleep, but felt the pain again 10 minutes later? I tried to go to the loo, nothing came out, & I thought, crap could this be it.... & decided to try to take a shower. I didn't expect the pain to worsen, sharp pains in the lower back came on like every 3 minutes which felt like someone had stabbed a knife through my spine & then twisting it around for a full minute. All I could do was double over & try to not die with the pain. Tried to get changed as fast as I could before the next wave of pain (basically contractions went from every 10minutes to every minute within an hour) and tried to pack some toiletries and necessary documents. My parents woke up, I tried to eat some bread (again trying to gobble everything within the no-pain minute) and gave up when I couldn't chew fast enough (-.-!).

Excruciating pain in my back was the worst part of the contractions; no one had prepared me for that. Water didn't break, and I tried using the laughing gas in the hospital (which was useless and made me slightly woozy after the pain had passed instead). I had thought I wouldn't want to use any epidural but after the doctor declared I was 3cm dilated & could have the epidural if I wanted, I was half woozy from the gas and the pain was really killing me (it was exhausting to cope with the pain to say the least; I wanted to just drift off with the gas from the last wave of pain) so of course I said yes please. The epidural was a tube stuck in into my lower back (which actually didn't hurt at all given that the back pains from the contractions were 10 times more painful) and since i had had a taste of what contractions felt like, it was enough for me. When the epidural took effect it was such a relief to be able to not spasm with pain every alternate minute. I would say the epidural actually made the birth process quite uneventful, because after that, I was just relaxing in the bed with my phone and updating facebook & chatting with my mum. I think i dilated 2 cm every hour, so after around 4 more hours, the doctor said I was ready to start pushing and the midwife kept asking me to push if I felt like I had a stomachache. I couldn't feel anything, and I was lying on the bed so it felt very weird to push like I was going to the loo (who lies down for a poop anyway!?). In the end it was just a 5 minutes of the nurses, doctor & midwife chanting *1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 Push!* and the baby was out. I didn't even realise it was over until I heard the baby cry and I was waiting for those overwhelming emotions to overcome me but nothing happened; I felt no different from myself before having the baby and my first thought was "oh so that's what you look like" before trying to look at what everyone was doing. (maybe the epidural was too strong and numbed even my emotions?? haha)

& then the epidural started wearing off, the nurse brought me some food for lunch but I basically just ate a few bites and puked everything out, which was a side effect of the epidural wearing off. Suddenly felt exhausted and had a headache, and after the baby was taken to be cleaned up, I was wheeled to my room and the hell of no sleep began...

I think most of my wound has healed; not much pain below anymore (i almost died of pain after I ran to answer the phone from the bedroom to the living room during the first week) & weight is back to normal, just that I'm still slightly flabby  & all the stretchmarks are still there. Hopefully I can get rid of those & start running in a few weeks!