千八百八十六： Appreciation

Things are getting better, thanks to many friends for their concern & kind words.

Bali was arranged at a right time, for me to try to relax & get my mind off everything bad that had happened but somehow i think it was the talk of Bali which caused everything to happen.

Bali had great weather, no rain for the whole week & sitting in front of the sea everyday made me feel like a tiny person. I tried to read, tried to be more big hearted, tried to just forget all the unhappy stuff & just remember the good.. so many thoughts just kept racing through my mind everyday, and everyday they were the same thoughts, nothing changed. I was quite irritable, when Ryo tried to be playful sometimes, when he poked me or said something, my mind was far away & I felt sorry that i couldn't give him my full attention. But i did try very hard to just not think or to pay attention when talking to Ryo, my mind was quite exhausted though..

I realise that the things I want might not always be the best for me but I always try to give my best to others. I want to feel needed, who doesn't? found suddenly white hair on my head. I finally understand why it causes stress. especially those strands that are half white half black. somehow somewhere in between they just lost their colour..

went to read some history of what i wrote or some chat logs of a year ago , 2 years ago, 3 years ago. It seems that March has never been a good month in my life. it's too long, too many days for bad things to happen. & i discovered the pattern of March every year. Its' the month where i will always have to say goodbye to someone in my life somehow or another.