千百二十四：post-Japan depression

i saw a blog yesterday with the titles in hiragana numbers. i decided to do that too but in kanji.

the past. is it natural to mind so much?

i guess girls are naturally jealous creatures. i guess, as a close fren of guys, their new gfs are bound to hate me. but i dun hang out with those guys once they are attached liao. i dunno lei . if u mind ur bf's past, probably even now. he isn't doing much to earn your trust isn't it? its not like i am even in contact with the bf anymore, but he is still making u feel like... he might cheat? then its him that you should feel angry with and not the girls he probably flirts with. yes, the girls are temptations, but without the guy to encourage them, nothing moves further. so. i think.. take a look at ur own bf for any wrongdoing before hating the girl and thinking bad of that girl. if that girl is a real platonic fren, she will understand if the guy tells her he has to put some distance because he has a gf. and she will comply.. cos thats wat frens are for.

dunno lei . mabbe its cos most of my frens are guys and after coming back, one by one they got attached and i have to keep my distance liao. and they of cos dun have me in their jio-out list anymore, its their gf right? ok la. i understand that, but like i said.. its lonely bah. maybe its just post-japan depression, the feeling of being a failure came back and the weariness of having to look for a job and all just piled up and i just started crying this morning. the feeling of i deja vu, that i will be stuck for another 2 years in this house where i get scolded for every little thing not my fault. where i cant stay out late when i want to and i am made to feel guilty for everything that my mom is feeling? wats that about?!

haiz. i realli realli wanna be by his side right now. i miss his voice. alot alot.