千九百零五： Aftermath

aftermath of the Hanshin earthquake left at the Meriken park in Kobe. everything was tilted strangely.

Today was a rare busy day at work.

Vik reminded me of my 大凶 lot I picked at the beginning of the year from the shrine. He asked me if the year has been bad so far. When I was thinking yesterday i could only think of my 3 year visa, so I couldn't think of the unhappy moments until now. There were unhappy moments, very unhappy moments I guess. but there were some happy moments. I guess with unhappiness you learn to appreciate the happy times and just take it that nothing lasts forever.

Today I thought about why I was still so nice to the people i love, who hurt me despite everything. I guess after Ayaka passed away, I just took it that life is really short and I don't want to have any final memories of me or people of me as being anger and unhappiness or alot of regret which was what i felt and still feel whenever I think about Ayaka. About words I should have said to her but i didn't, about appreciation I should have shown but didn't and About all the things we had decided to do together but she left before we could do them. I don't dare to think about our happy memories together to much because they still bring tears to my eyes. So what if the person did me wrong? what goes around come around.. and i shouldn't ruin my own karma by being mean to anyone. and i do sincerely wish for all the people i love to be happy no matter what. i guess our first instinct upon any hurt to us is to hurt the person back but after some cooling down, i'm just thinking "what am I thinking of... As if the person being unhappy will make me any happier" bearing grudges don't do much for my own health either so what's the point. just move on and everyone is happy. and u learn who are the people who really care for you in your life. Ryo always asked why I said thank u to the taxi drivers even though they are so rude and cranky. Why not? Saying thank u doesn't cost me anything and it might make their dreary day more cheerful if they at least meet 1 nice person in his day.

I watched Othello on Monday at a theater in Kyoto.. a 2 hour train ride there then a 2 hour train ride back. I didn't really know the story before watching it, it was a story of a stupid man who trusted the wrong man too easily and believed all the poison his "trusted" friend poured into his ears about his wife being unfaithful and he believed everything with a few fake evidence planted around, went mad with paranoia and suspicion and killed all the innocent people before realising it was all lies and killed himself.