feeling less burdened today than last week, in general but not as good as the 2nd half of last week. lunch was quite an awkward affair, I was still feeling some of the weirdness, dunno whether to talk more or not, to be friendly or not, can be friendly or not, want to be friendly or not, in case everything is misinterpreted and I dun wan to show I'm too happy either because I'm really not and I dun want to force myself to act like nothing's wrong as well. it's so complicated.
But I realised I cannot be alone with him because it was awkward (for me) to act all normal and try to joke and behave like things were before (which will never be again) and I was today feeling safe in the corner of the cafe, pouring myself a cup of tea when he suddenly was next to me. Startled me so much I nearly jumped but didn't, cos I had turned my head to see what the commotion was, in the kitchen area where some metalware had been dropped, and I turned my head back to see his face almost in mine. -.- that would have startled anyone actually. he was stretching over my arm to get a foam cup and I was very uncomfortable at him being so near. had to make small talk (to pretend normalcy) and I didn't noe wat to say because there was nothing I wanted to say really. sighz.
anyway, was looking up recipes because vegetarian food for lunch everyday is becoming boring. looked through my Japanese cookbooks as well and realised that its really hard to find something that I can prepare w/o waking up super early for -> I had to wake up at 6am to make the onigiris, which is something i definitely can't do every week. haha. & then, the food had to be able to last the whole morning until lunch and dun need a whole lot of separate containers for (like soup and rice?) which was super troublesome. saw a pasta with salmon dish that could be good. will try it out in the weekend maybe.
tired out with all the "excitement" in the office today. Step Up 2 tml!!
oh I called citibk to try to cancel my card. even though i used it at most 3 times in the past year, they waived my annual fee and got me to stay. they said the points could be used to transfer into miles. at 3200 points -> 6400 miles, its like much better than using my Premier miles card directly? since i get 5 points for $1 spent.. hmm. will try that one out if i have 3200 points.