i managed to not call or even sms him a single time today.. *pats myself on the back* tears came when i broke the news to the guys in the middle of a gunbound game.. they were shocked to say the least.. and they told me to tell him to fuck off.. which i didn't do.. & i dun think i would do that.. :S they were sympathetic.. and they all tot he was afraid of commitment.. i dun no why i didn't see that b4.. but aniway.. i've came to a conclusion on wat i should do. should i not be together with him ever again, its alright, cos it would be his loss.. i'm not going to be negative or curse him, and if he is happier without me, i guess i should be happy for him.. i have to have a veri big heart to do that.. and i guess thats wat i'll work towards..

went for dinner with the guys at holland v.. all the memories came back but i tried veri hard to just not think abt them.. jy and hawx saw me b4 the rest came and they asked. almost in tears again but i tried to be nonchalant about it.. couldn't meet their eyes else i think i would have just broken down.. :( sianz.. met the rest & just pretended nothing was wrong.. they made fun of my short skirt and i was realli realli glad i had them and their support. best pple in the world.. and i realli dunno wat i would do without them.. we later went to the pub for a drink.. wanted to just drink and drink.. :( but i dun realli like beer.. and i knew he wouldn't even care if i got drunk..