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Saturday, November 15, 2003

guys are cruel selfish bastards who only care about themselves

the skies have collapsed on my head, i have no more ground to stand upon.. i have believed and trusted u, and even that has been taken away. i nv tot u would be the one to hurt me, to stick a knife through my heart and then pull it out slowly, cruelly. the pain is excruciating. and u expect me to not feel unhappy or sad. how can i when i'm only human? i truly believed u were the one, i nv felt so giddy about anione b4.. so u realli are one of those who can hold a girl's hands if u have the chance to and then say it didn't mean anithing afterward. i'm realli not the impulsive one here. i remember someone saying he's tot things thru, it didn't matter cos he's always on the receiving end. finalli u're not on the receiving end animore. how does it feel to be on the giving end of the cruelty for once? does it feel good, does it feel exhilarating? does it make u feel like u're god? is your ego inflated to see someone who cares about u break down in tears? u. the last person i tot in the world would hurt me actualli did it. i believed in u becos my frens did despite not knowing u for long. all the glowing comments, all the "wat a nice guy u are" made me gave this a chance. and i always tot u were more mature than this. that u were an officer made me think that more. that u would noe that for every action u take there would be consequence and that u face up to the consequence, not run away. i just can't stop crying. i tried to be strong, to maintain my pride in ur face, but i just can't keep it inside when i'm alone. u were a second chance for me to redeem my mistakes for the past, but realli, i guess its just retribution for wat i did to my past relationships. i did not treasure them as much, they loved me more than i loved them.. and now u've treated me the way i treated them. i believe in karma now, every wrong thing u do WILL come back to haunt you. i'm feeling realli lost, i dunno wat i'm doing.. all i want is to curl up and sleep forever to not think bout u again. and my stupidity. i'm pretty sure i'll wake up as a blind girl with all the crying i'm doing. just hope u're happier now at least without me..

i'm listening to david tao's yue liang dai biao wo de xin again and again. no wonder i can't stop crying. i feel just like the girl in that mtv.

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