Wednesday, December 16, 2009

千八百六十: Shutting down.

If only it's that easy to shut down.

you know how horrible it is to kena the silent treatment through no fault of your own? It's like being punished for something I didn't do, when the other party is one of the very few people I talk to when I'm all alone here most of the time. there are people u can ping to talk about anything & everything, like wat u ate / did yesterday, how you didn't sleep well because of nightmares, complain about work, especially when work is almost giving me a mental breakdown now. how many pple do u actually say these things to? it's the closest people you hurt unknowingly, when all they try is to cheer u up in whatever way they can. perhaps being a lamb is not the way, it just gives pple the feeling they can step all over you and only call upon you when they need something. i know because I'm like that sometimes, but only about 10% of the time i guess. Who doesn't take other people for granted sometimes? but even these people who stays by your side get tired of waiting for you to pick yourself up. they might still try, but will probably drift off during the wait..

ok, in the midst of writing this, i got a call from Redmond saying my lead volunteered me to help them out so was i OK?
!!? at least ask / let me know right? i'm like involved in all the projects now. I don't mind doing the work, but again, at least ask??? or he doesn't see how overloaded i am...

yesterday ryo said he ordered an xmas cake. this was a pleasant surprise. after that he said, but.. he wont be around like today, as in today he went tokyo and wont be back.. and he'll be at the office the whole weekend, and next week most of the week in tokyo as well, including xmas eve & only coming back really late on xmas. abit of wondering who will collect the cake & why bother? the shops will be closed by the time he finishes anyway..

I think i'm going to go blind from all the crying. & the lack of sleep. couldn't fall asleep last night thinking of everything and wondering if i'm ever going to complete everything.

if anyone wants to reach me, they have my email / fb. Mental breakdown soon.


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