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Friday, January 25, 2008

千五百九十九: Fatigue

Tired.

Eyes been feeling tired these few days, the late working hours are really taking a toll on me. I feel listless during work although yesterday and the day before, I could finally sleep better.

& I had some weird dreams which I enjoyed. The night before, I dreamt that K had came here earlier than planned and surprised me. I was happy to see him but I can't remember how it ended. I think it was the morning that I couldn't wake up because I so did not want the dream to end. Last night, I dreamt of meeting robbers who pointed guns at me but S was beside me and he managed to fend off the robbers and we managed to escape. Then weirdly, because the robbers were waiting outside the house, S couldn't leave and he just shared my bed & cuddled with me for the night. Interesting. But weird. haha.

BBQ tmr at teammate's place in Bishan after french lessons. I realised I haven't stepped in the North area ever since i stopped meeting HP.

I need some work motivation. Today I saw Mr B twice. Early in the morning, they were having breakfast in the office cafe then his wife came along. sighz.. she looks more pregnant than ever. Then he sorta smiled at me when I waved at someone else at his table, but its hard to smile back at him (cos i feel guilty smiling at him when his wife is at the same table). It seems like i'm being dao when I don't even say hi to him when other people are around but i really don't want to even hv a little bit of crush on him at all because he is married and his wife is so pregnant! if he is alone, fine, i would just mouth hi/bye but just feel super shy when he is around. argh.

listening to David Tao's songs these few days. kinda depressing, cos his songs are mostly love songs that have very sad lyrics. :( I have the desire to just quit my job immediately and go JP w/o any reason just to be able to be around Ryo. Stupid. but I really can't bear this LDR thing anymore. You think u get used to it, to the alone thing, but its really not true; you are only just pushing urself until you reach the limit when you can't stand the loneliness anymore then u break up with him or do something drastic. Its alot easier to push urself when u have something to look forward to, but w/o anything to look forward to, what's there to keep pushing you to go on??

I had dinner with Shinji & Akane at Pasta Cafe and am glad they enjoyed the food. (cos we reached there quite late and had to queue for a while & I was the one who suggested the place and dragged them there.. ) was having that kind of mood when I laughed i couldn't stop, probably due to fatigue thus having lost control of the ability to control myself. sighz.

Ok, must focus on my studies and get all these messy stuff out of my head.

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