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Sunday, August 21, 2005

Ate Thai food at Shinsaibashi 心斎橋last nite. I guess I realized something. I feel comfortable talking to him and he is someone I would confide in if only he didn’t do all those things and lie to me. Even though I was still pissed off at him, it was so easy just talking and catching up over dinner except when he stops to look at his phone and keeps on rushing to want to go back and also his stupid wallpaper on his phone. I do miss talking to him but I guess I can’t trust him as a person again. We had some moments just like it was before where I crack silly jokes and he laughs but there is just a barrier in me and the continual urge to want to say bad things about them. It really is too bad. And I realized how much I miss having someone to talk to. It’s all very well confiding in Ryo, but there is just so much you can express joy.anger, frustrations etc in our half jap half English way. And I don’t think he wants to hear me complain too. So in the end .. all the anger and resentment I usually just keep quiet about it and secretly hate all the people who takes my feelings for granted or who step on me or hurt me. I can only have dreams at night where I hurt these people back.

Speaking of happier things, managed to speak to Ryo on the phone yesterday and today. I was really happy to hear his voice and I guess him too but he was on his way to breakfast with the boss and didn’t have time to speak much. And today.. woke him at 7am hehe.. but he was so sweet and we spoke for bout 15 min before I decided to let him go back to sleep. Couldn’t really hear him over the noise in the supermarket anyway too. Argh.

So today and yesterday had lazy days.. woke up at 9, decided to study Econs today.. and so trying to read at least the intro section. Then went to the bookstore.. bought a Korean/Jap/English dictionary trying to learn Korean now too. Bought the Dilbert Principle paperback too. Hehe. On a roll.. they were selling the ikea little stool for $7 so I bought one as well and a mat for my bathroom.. so happy! My room once again is neater hehe..

Was looking at the bridal book I was supposed to give Xinhuan and I guess there was nothing special except the guys wear tux. Hehe.. and the jap kimono styled dresses. Maybe I’ll get to wear one in future..

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