Friday, July 16, 2004

realli excited that my jap class going to begin tonite.. but a little scared that i won't be able to catch up..
been crying the whole nite. this morning when i talked to him online, i started crying again. I'm just so sorry about everything. i should be happy for him but i just can't let go. very selfish of me.. but i really can't help it.
wanted to go jogging today with my sis but it was raining intermittently. totally reflective of my mood. on-off-on-off just like a tap. just that i can't control when to let the tears flow or stop. it was pretty embarrassing at tuition last nite when i was reading the chinese idiom tong2 gan1 gong4 ku3 (to go thru hardships together?) & tears welled up in my eyes. luckily the kid didn't see and i was able to pretend that all my sniffing was due to flu.
trying to read my depression away. my sis is watching frens everyday now.. am supposed to go help out at my dad's office but my sis dun seem to wan to go.. feel abit guilty esp since he didn't make me pay for the repairs for the car after the accident. after that, i also didn't dare to ask for the use of the car anymore. guess its time to start saving up for my own vehicle..
missing school and miss seeing my frens. i've been out of school for almost 8 months, and still haven't found something i wan to do. a little depressing, but then i haven't been looking around very hard either. surviving on my tuition pay for now, but i realise I enjoy my freedom too much to wan to have a 9-5 job. although i'm a little tired of not having my brains exercised.  reading a book "Darwin's Black Box" by Michael J. Behe now.. hp lent it to me, its bout biochemistry and some of the complexities of it explained. quite interesting, but the subject matter doesn't really captivate me.. will review more on it after i actually manage to get past page 20.


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