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Tuesday, August 26, 2003

we finished toking at 5.30am. i was surprised i was so calm. and i managed to smile and realli behaved normal. felt a little teary at first when he looked like he was was feeling realli guilty. why!?!! he feel guilty i should be happy instead i'm teary. i need mental help?! but overcame the crying mode and managed to make him feel better oso.. guess the thinking that "why she still so nice even after wat i did" thing was on his mind the whole time and that was pretty much wat i wanted to do... to seem mature enuff to clear up probs instead of remaining awkward and weird. ahhh.. i'm like an idiot lah.. realli didn't want him to look so *arggggggh* or in his own words: *aaaaaaaaaargh* .. i just couldn't stand to see him so unhappy or guilty such that he couldn't even look at me.. i gave him a note, with yesterday's movie ticket. the note was written with a few laughs inside even :P i think i'm realli an amazing individual.. hehe.. now he noes i properly noe, with no pressures on him or watsoever, and no pressures on me to do anithing but be myself in his presence, i think the frenship thingey will take off from there.. like i said b4, there's potential for great frenship, oni the circumstances of tension and unease was holding everything back. lucki he wasn't realli toking to xh last nite.. the dodo almost told her everything, even things i didn't. Grrrrrr... i guessed i just didn't let myself think back or focus on the "i still like u" part, just the "hey, sorri can we be frens" part. its working now.. i can see him and feel more normal than sad.. guess his sms last nite showed the diff in attitude liao lor... the most cheerful and upbeat smses i ever received from him.. :) happiness is when ur frens are happy cos of u :)

but i guess things are alright now.. i'm not worrying whether he likes me, he likes me not etc, and he no need to worry will she get the wrong signal? cos there's no signal in everything.. hahahaha.. managed to make him understand that as an ind, i need quite a lot of consolation and reassurrance, and its ok to show it as a fren lor.. at least managed to hug him b4 i went back to xh's room.. :) and the height's just nice for a comforting hug. :P

and KM, my note overwrites some things i wrote in the blog before hor.. just to clarify ;P

n boi boi.. hAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! sorri mi dear, forgot to wrote this in here earlier in the morning.. too much things troubling me.. i'm glad u love the present, and i hope i did satisfy ur "get u a gift u want but would nv buy" criteria.... :) all the best for ur quiz oso!! great 22nd years ahead.. try to have more academic achievements instead of other areas, yah? hehe :P

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