Wednesday, August 06, 2003

today's the latest i ever woke up this holidays.. can see the hall bug creeping back upon me.. its weird, but in hall.. u can't ever get up on time.. the bed seems to suck all ur essence and consciousness.. supposed to be singing hall anthem to the juniors but has been postponed to nite so me slacking now..

super bored.. this orientation is totalli not filled with activities. but dun wanna go home as well. bit of a contradiction there. :P but hey.. i'm sure its more fun to nua in hall than nua at home. at least there are pple around periodically. and there's the freedom to move aniwhere anitime. at home, i think the inertia is alot greater..

realised i've developed the bad habit of being late.. the oni time i was actuali earli in like these few months was last sunday, but the rest of the time, i was late by at least 15 min.. yesterday was the ultimate, 1 hr!! heh.. sorri lah.. xq, not on purpose.. but reali had too little time to do everything, esp since i couldn't get up early also..

have decided to stay away from some pple for an infinite period of time. these pple are not gd for me, and will prolli lead me astray from the goals i'm struggling towards.. i can't say who these pple are, but i think i'm prolli better off without them.. it's difficult esp since i'm totalli afraid to be alone (yes, my worst fear is loneliness and i've done some stupid things due to extreme bouts of depression in episodes of loneliness), and worse still, i now am developing a phobia against making new frens. the struggle comes when there's no one to accompany me for meals/outings, (i hate doing things alone) and i have to struggle against asking these pple out. i develop an overdependence on frens.. which scare some pple away.. & which i always try to curb when i myself notice it.. but i realli mean no harm.. just need some company and also to noe that i'm being appreciated..

haiz.. foolish ramblings..


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