千九百九十三： Looking back on 2012

5 months old - figuring out her fingers

The end of 2012 is here! The end of the world came & went though, & we all survived :p  i wonder what happened to the people who believed it & ended their lives (resigned their jobs, spent all their money etc)

It's time to look back on the year; this year flew by very quickly, last year at this time I was just pregnant, now bb is 5 months old + .. so fast! & as I write this, I realised this is why I need to blog, as age comes, I can't really remember what I did in the year, so even a summary blogpost a month helps me remember what I did in the past year (looking at my own archives now haha)

My 2012 in short:
January - New Year, & CNY in SG with family and friends. First time I had such a fun New Year's day , usually I'm snoozing at home by midnight 31-Dec.

February  - Tokyo Marathon with the guys, & all the touring around Tokyo of course. My favourite part was  the meal at Bills at Kamakura (for no particular reason, the memory of it just brings warmth into my tummy)

March - Saw Mount Fuji upclose for the first time at Kawakoguchi - it was really a WOOOOOOOW moment. The day before was snowy and cloudy and cold, basically a bad day for even travelling, & we had reached the ryokan not even knowing which direction Mount Fuji was at. & the next morning, it was the sun streaming through the window that woke me, I looked out and was shocked at the sight of the majestic view of the mountain so clear against the blue sky. I'm not a mountain person (don't ask me to climb any!) but this was just magnificent! in case you want to feel the same woooooow I did, the picture here might do it for you:



if you don't feel it, go see it in spring / summer, you won't regret this!

Moving on,
April - Mum & cousin Rina visited me in Japan at the best time of the year, when the sakura was blooming.. Quarrelled alot as usual with my mum, but all in all, it was good to have people over.

May -  Solar eclipse - first ever full solar eclipse for me! It was really cool, even though my equipment isn't that great, managed to shoot through my sunglasses and got at least 1good shot. if you want to see the pics:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexxis/sets/72157629925829026/with/7283025400/

June - KL/ Marathon - last overseas trip for me before having a baby, went with the guys to KL on their marathon weekend. Best part of KL as usual, is the Angsana spa visit! This is probably my favourite branded spa in the whole world, nearly 4 hours of bliss at only S$100+++ thanks to the weak ringgit. My 2nd favourite would be Willow Stream at Fairmont, but they cost a bomb.

July - bb Mirei arrived! Happy that she's out of me, but confinement was the worst month of my life. Secret showers had to be taken to keep my sanity. & no cold drinks! Still don't know what the reasons for torturing new mums are, but someone should abolish them!

August - Staycation at MBS after surviving confinement - Ryo came to sg for bb's first month party & then we headed for a short vacation at MBS. It wasn't really much of a vacation with a 1 month bb around, but at least we got some time away from my parents to just spend time as a small little family.

September - The big 30. - Best part of it was that my sis was in SG for a short break since the last time I saw her was in 2011 in Italy. Had alot of work to clear the night before, so the day itself was just a quiet affair with my mum, bb, sis & Calvin spent at Tiong Bahru Bakery. Youngest sis was MIA.

October - Nike Run -  I managed to complete my first post-delivery 10km! It was not easy .. since I haven't trained for a year, and was run/walking the whole way with a 1h 15 min timing..

November - Osaka Marathon - Back in Japan, bb took some time to get used to her new home. Visitors from Singapore was probably the highlight of the month & the feeling of emptiness after they left was quite bad knowing that the next trip to sg was >6 months later and by then, bb would be almost a year old.

December - Xmas / NY holidays! - Sort of holiday.. first time visiting the Kobe luminaire, and lights in osaka, usually we are so lazy as a couple + the weather is so cold that we just hibernate on our couch. Looking forward to bringing bb for her first NY temple visit on 1-1-2013.

After listing out the above, I realised I could have just easily referred to facebook (-.-!).

other notable achievements in 2012 - grew my first ever tomato (Ryo ate it), crocheted a hat for the baby, a pouch for me, a sorta scarf, learnt how to knit and came up with 3 scarfs so far - one for my youngest sis, one as a wedding gift & one as a xmas/birthday gift. The last one being this :　

grey & beige cashmere scarf as a birthday gift

Upcoming projects - 2 more scarfs for my parents coming to Japan for CNY, learn how to make socks / gloves and a proper scarf for the bb (hopefully?) 

2 more days to 2013. Happy new year every one! 

千九百九十二： Autumn

autumn leaves

Ok this is a late post for November (I realised I hadn't posted anything after returning to Japan at all, partly cos I've been overwhelmed with the task of handling the bb alone).

What happened in November -
1. bb & mummy settled down back in Kobe
2. bb is now 4 months ++ old
3. bb is able to flip on her right side (she can't flip back, just makes alot of noise after flipping to get us to move her)

4. Highlight of the month was that Julius & Yuh Soon came over from 16th Nov to 26th Nov for the Osaka marathon and sightseeing. Stayed at my place, which was a big help to me, because the more hands to look after bb and I actually felt like I was saner despite all the sightseeing making my legs tired haha. bb loves company as well, Julius was very good with her, helping to change her diaper sometimes and keeping her quiet / playing with her when I had to attend calls, while Yuh Soon helped to carry her stuff in his bag.  Ryo was away the first week in NY also, which made it even more helpful that they were here. Just nice the autumn leaves were out as well, very beautiful scenery everywhere.

5. Quite stressed out by MIL in particular, whenever  I visit. I'm not the kind that goes around brimming with enthusiasm or how should I say this - i dunno how to handle people who tells the baby oh you are so cute 10 times in a row or continuously says to the baby "oh i wanted to see u so badly!" (erhhh?? hinting to me??) and then she sorta keeps on going on about it when we want to leave because we have errands to run and chores to do about how we seldom visit, the last time we visited was a month ago (which was totally not true! we visited her only like 2 weeks ago so I felt even more irritated at this trick to try to guilt trip us!) and her way of snatching the bb away the moment we let our guard down (yes I feel that she really is waiting for us to let our guard down so that she can carry the baby herself). I mean, why do you need to *snatch*, it's not like I don't let you carry, but the bb is mine, when she cries for me, all the more she just shakes her harder and that just makes her cry harder. same old issue, she keeps saying "is she hungry is she hungry" and I hate that, why are you implying that i don't feed bb enough. She's in the 75th percentile, don't even ask stupid questions! and then the hubby don't understand this, it's not that I want to keep bb away, but i really want time at home and not rush here and there at least 1 day. there are some things I can only do on weekends when he is around and sitting around for hours at the IL's place is not helping.

6. Knitted my first proper scarf all by myself and sent it to Frieda as her wedding gift. I hope she likes it, it was a mad rush because I had not much time and all the knitting was done on public transport when the bb was ok with me not carrying her.

the completed scarf

December - I think the year just flew by (maybe cos of bb) and I can't really think of any major events this month except I have to start making all the new year / xmas cards. Oh, & beginning my long leave, because working in the day with bb not sleeping is almost impossible now. We have to go buy a walker for her soon. Looking forward to Jan though - will see my sisters and some friends in London!

千九百九十一： Struggling Along

bb lifting her head higher & higher each time

Bb is almost 3 months old! in another 3 days to be exact. Come to think of it, it's really quite amazing how a single cell organism grew into this cute little thing!

Her growth seems to be on track - just went to a 3 month follow up at KKH & the pediatrician said she was growing well! A little on the bigger side, but that's not a bad thing since she doesn't look like the Michelin man yet. She's drooling alot these days, chewing on her fingers and fist, which is an early sign of teething. Hopefully she doesn't bite me accidentally or purposely in future. Can't imagine the pain if she chomps down while drinking milk. from her mummy. eeeeeks!

I've been bringing bb almost everywhere I go. Places that allow babies at least. She's a big hit at group dinners, wedding dinners because she is such a friendly bb who allows everyone to carry her and then she chatters on and on and smiles at people so everyone wants a hand in carrying her. My parents have been helpful in taking care of the bb when I do want to go out on my own, I guess they enjoy the time with the bb since now there is an ample supply of frozen milk in the fridge. I finally watched my first musical, Avenue Q! It was quite an impulse decision, because I had always thought it was muppets related  so why would I want to pay $100+ just to watch the muppets! In the end, it was a hilarious musical due to the adult themed songs, we just kept laughing from start to end. I wouldn't mind watching it again definitely!

In another 1.5 weeks, it's time to go back to Japan again. Time really flies (T.T) I've been here 4 months this time and it feels like i've only really enjoyed myself the first and last month (for very obvious reasons). I do feel quite excited at the thought of finally introducing bb to our home & also to do everything the way I want, hopefully it won't be too much of a struggle.

千九百九十：oh crap i'm 30

bb at 8 weeks making faces at me

Well.. the day has arrived sooner than expected. First birthday present is from a friend received last week, although I haven't known her for long, she remembered my birthday which very much surprised me (& I'm quite touched). She has been looking out for me quite often in the past year which I'm very very thankful for. 2nd present was not so great though, a bunch of bugs. As in system bugs. Signoff for a big project is due tomorrow, & here I am at 3.32am trying to regress the bugs. Why am I doing this at this hour, you might ask, well... blame the dumbo engineers who like to leave things to the last minute. Can't they patch stuff 2 days ago? grrr... Hopefully I won't have to work until the same hours tomorrow night. This year is extra special because my sister is back from London in Singapore; we haven't had a chance to all gather at home since... 2009? & that was because of my wedding. now we have one more little lady in the house, my dad must be feeling the heat / noise from all the female hormones around him. It's been fun having someone at home in the afternoon to play kinect with & also to just help with the baby or to correct my knitting (which turns out has been wrong the whole time ...) The house will be so quiet next week (T.T)

千九百八十九：Almost 30

just love this innocent look at age 6 weeks

It's nearly 2 months of looking after a baby , & less than a month to my 30th birthday.

After such a long time of being young (usually I'm always the youngest at my workplace somehow, at the age of 20++) suddenly 30 sounds very old. No wonder Rachel in Friends refused to come out of her room on her birthday. I'm trying not to be bothered about it, but it's hard. The only consolation is that I've achieved most of what I wanted to before 30.

Before 30 (in no particular order)

• Completed a marathon
• Got married / had a baby 
• Still earning my own keep
• Living overseas
• Got my degree somehow
• Maintained zero debts 
• Managed to build up & hold on to some sort of investment portfolio which cannot feed me as passive income but can sell if in a pinch.
• Travelled to most of the cities I've always wanted to go (eg New York, Paris, London, Rome etc) 
• Saw Kimura Takuya in real life no less than 2m away at a SMAP concert when his crane like apparatus stopped right in front of me

Unfilfilled aspirations 

• I still can't speak French fluently
• I haven't properly travelled to other parts of France
• I want to watch a baseball match with Ichiro playing!
• Complete a marathon within 5 hours. 
• Start my own business somehow. still thinking of how to do it & what kind of business it should be. 
• Own my own home - this should be fulfilled next year! 
• Be able to bake all sorts of goodies and make all sorts of desserts
• Able to sew/knit make stuff really well

hmm.. I guess in the nearest sense, what I want to be able to do in the coming year is just be able to cope with working and looking after the baby at the same time (& I do have that competitive streak that I want my bb to be able to start walking etc really fast!) It's been a very challenging time the past 1.5 months, especially when I lack sleep and also learning to not let the baby restrict my social life and how to cope with work/baby at the same time. Even when I feel very very tired, it's just not possible to be angry with the bb (because i choose to have the bb; the bb didn't choose me) and when she gives the wide-eye pouty look, your heart just melts and smiles with her. I'm pretty thankful she only cries when she is hungry or wants to be carried (so far) but hopefully our communication will only improve with time :) 

千九百八十八：3 Weeks Young

thinking what to have for lunch today - wait it's milk!

 My bb is 3 weeks old (young?) today!

Confinement still sucks, but at least there's only 1 week more to go. Caterers confirmed for the 1st month party, staycation planned, made plans to see the Harry Potter/Andy Warhol exhibitions, go to Gardens by the bay with my family, am just looking forward to be able to drink coke & shower 10 times a day again!!

A little late to do this, but guess I should write about how the delivery went. I can't believe it was only 3 weeks ago; the past weeks feel like months have passed. Maybe because I slept so little every day and the monotony of being at home.

I had tummy cramps & felt very grouchy on the day before the delivery, which I had attributed to work and also the sitting on my bed the whole day to do work. I had no appetite, (very irritated that dinner was none of my favourite foods) and gave Ryo a call before bed to tell him to please please please get his bags packed. Slept like a pig after that, which luckily I did, because I woke up at around 4am with a sharp pain in my tummy which only lasted less than a minute. Thought it was nothing, tried to go back to sleep, but felt the pain again 10 minutes later? I tried to go to the loo, nothing came out, & I thought, crap could this be it.... & decided to try to take a shower. I didn't expect the pain to worsen, sharp pains in the lower back came on like every 3 minutes which felt like someone had stabbed a knife through my spine & then twisting it around for a full minute. All I could do was double over & try to not die with the pain. Tried to get changed as fast as I could before the next wave of pain (basically contractions went from every 10minutes to every minute within an hour) and tried to pack some toiletries and necessary documents. My parents woke up, I tried to eat some bread (again trying to gobble everything within the no-pain minute) and gave up when I couldn't chew fast enough (-.-!).

Excruciating pain in my back was the worst part of the contractions; no one had prepared me for that. Water didn't break, and I tried using the laughing gas in the hospital (which was useless and made me slightly woozy after the pain had passed instead). I had thought I wouldn't want to use any epidural but after the doctor declared I was 3cm dilated & could have the epidural if I wanted, I was half woozy from the gas and the pain was really killing me (it was exhausting to cope with the pain to say the least; I wanted to just drift off with the gas from the last wave of pain) so of course I said yes please. The epidural was a tube stuck in into my lower back (which actually didn't hurt at all given that the back pains from the contractions were 10 times more painful) and since i had had a taste of what contractions felt like, it was enough for me. When the epidural took effect it was such a relief to be able to not spasm with pain every alternate minute. I would say the epidural actually made the birth process quite uneventful, because after that, I was just relaxing in the bed with my phone and updating facebook & chatting with my mum. I think i dilated 2 cm every hour, so after around 4 more hours, the doctor said I was ready to start pushing and the midwife kept asking me to push if I felt like I had a stomachache. I couldn't feel anything, and I was lying on the bed so it felt very weird to push like I was going to the loo (who lies down for a poop anyway!?). In the end it was just a 5 minutes of the nurses, doctor & midwife chanting *1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 Push!* and the baby was out. I didn't even realise it was over until I heard the baby cry and I was waiting for those overwhelming emotions to overcome me but nothing happened; I felt no different from myself before having the baby and my first thought was "oh so that's what you look like" before trying to look at what everyone was doing. (maybe the epidural was too strong and numbed even my emotions?? haha)

& then the epidural started wearing off, the nurse brought me some food for lunch but I basically just ate a few bites and puked everything out, which was a side effect of the epidural wearing off. Suddenly felt exhausted and had a headache, and after the baby was taken to be cleaned up, I was wheeled to my room and the hell of no sleep began...

I think most of my wound has healed; not much pain below anymore (i almost died of pain after I ran to answer the phone from the bedroom to the living room during the first week) & weight is back to normal, just that I'm still slightly flabby  & all the stretchmarks are still there. Hopefully I can get rid of those & start running in a few weeks!

千九百八十七：booboobaby

the new baby

Finally, I got to meet the little one who was in me for the past 9 months. Say hi to bb Mirei :)

& goodbye to my social life.

i want to kill the person who invented this confinement shit. with this kind of weather, all that rubbish about no bathing allowed etc is really rubbish. & even with the herbal bathing thing, my very paranoid mum thinks that bathing should only be done every 2-3 days with the herbs. Which is crazy because I was perspiring alot every night with all those heaty confinement food everyday (& 2 fans in my face) & I was itching like crazy at the neck and back area (I have a history of heat rash at the neck area) & was really going to scratch my skin out already even though I bathed yesterday with the herbal water when my mum finally relented and I got to bathe with the herbal thing again. & I thought I could enjoy a leisurely shower when the bb had to wake up in the middle of it & I had to rush through it, & came out of the shower all sweaty again (with all the stupid no wind rule or you will get wind in the head blah blah) seriously, I don't believe in this crap! else all the people who don't do confinement will have all those diseases & that's alot of women in the world!! no wonder so many pple suffer from postnatal depression..

i hope the dark knight is still showing when Ryo comes back.. although I dunno how I will watch a movie with the baby.. this  must be one of those things you have to sacrifice when having a baby. (T.T)

千九百八十六：TGIF

finally completed my little crochet pouch!

It's been a long week. I guess it started badly which made it feel alot longer.

I'm feeling a little better, basically went to raid my sister's cupboard for stuff to wear (cos she has alot more dresses/skirt type clothing) and although I didn't manage to find alot, at least found some clothes that made me look less fat (i think). Of course anyone can say that I actually don't look that fat compared to other pregnant ladies, but firstly - their husbands are around to make them feel loved, mine isn't. When I feel ugly, no one really is around to give me a hug and say don't be stupid (and maybe just give me an ice cream at the same time to make me feel better) although I really did appreciate all the fb comments from friends who tried to encourage me. But still.. it is super tough to look in the mirror and see this monster of a tummy looking at me (T.T). The only comfortable place is when I lie down to sleep because when I lie flat, my tummy looks smaller haha.

I tried to put all my energy into other stuff instead - like crocheting & diablo-ing. Hopefully these will tide me through until the bb comes. I'm scared, even though I think the husband being there was not a must, but now all these insecurities are coming over me & I really do wish Ryo can be here in time, because they don't allow other family members in the delivery suite. & this other guy was saying his wife's heart stopped during labour & had to be revived ... what if I die and I never see Ryo ever again!? sighz..

I went for the detailed scan on Wednesday, and everything seems ok. Took the day off, & went around with mum to get the basic necessities for the bb. After that we just relaxed at Starbucks, which made it quite a good day of no work and just taking my mind off things.

千九百八十五： Back in Singapore

I love the dome roof of the National Museum

Maybe it's the hormones. But I'm just kinda wishing that I'm back in Japan already.

I dunno how come things can just change from quite ok to such awkwardness.  Maybe friendship is really only skin-deep? Now that I have a pregnant tummy, I'm repulsive and any show of concern towards a pregnant friend might be inappropriate? It's a depressing thought, and all the more so because I am feeling really ugly and any kind words or concern or some true friendship is actually very welcome and much appreciated. Some insensitive pig actually asked why I looked like a clown in my baggy bottoms. I just replied that cos I can't fit into my normal shorts anymore?? (T.T)

千九百八十四： The Sun and the Moon

Annular solar eclipse on 21/5/2012 - when the moon has almost covered the sun

It was great that the past 2 weeks had both a super moon & the solar eclipse. The solar eclipse was a very rare occasion; the previous one that was visible in Japan happened 932 years ago, and I'm really happy that I had the chance to witness it (even better it was with Ryo beside me since it was early morning before he had to go to work). It was spectacular to say the least, and although it isn't a total eclipse (when the whole world turns dark for that few seconds), it was still kinda breathtaking when the moon went straight into the center of the sun. Of course, my camera isn't powerful enough to take an amazing shot, so this is the best I can get. There is a shot of the moon in the center, but I think I like this one better, in terms of sharpness. Also, I think the media did really well, cos they actually did a full broadcast of the eclipse, counting down etc, so that people who can't get out of the house like old people were also able to experience and see the eclipse. I don't know why, but this felt like a very motivational moment for the Japanese people ever since the earthquake & tsunami last year, a sort of bright spot to get everyone happy and excited again, even if it was only for a day. Seeing everyone getting so excited on the streets on TV, strangers sharing their eclipse sunglasses, even dogs getting into the fun, it felt like the country was on the way to getting back on their feet. I don't know when I can see an eclipse again, but hopefully within this lifetime there will be a few more. :D

One more weekend to going back to SG, am having abit of mixed feelings to be separated from Ryo for such a long time this round. 5 months maybe? He's been great the past few months, although of cos not great at helping out at housework, but great in the sense that he tries to come home earlier, have more meals with me, accompanies me to all the doctors' visits and just basically accomodates me whenever i suddenly want to go some place or act a little crazy. This is probably the first time I actually feel like I will miss him alot when I go to sg, because he won't be around for me to hold his hand when I go out and watch out for me in crowded places. (T.T) and also I'm not sure if I can actually survive all the nagging/quarrelling that is inevitable to happen after staying at home for a while. sighzz.. I guess I should just think about all the positive parts, like friends & food for the time being.

I'm feeling super lethargic lately, and it's hard to climb out of bed in the mornings, and I actually almost slept until noon or later somedays by accident. I don't take naps after I get up, although I don't wake up at night after falling asleep at all, I'm wondering how I am able to go to work after getting to SG if this continues to happen. Suddenly am feeling full of admiration for preggy people who commute to work daily especially during peak hours, because I really don't think I can do that with all the waking up early and squeezing with the crowds. Especially hate guys who smell weird, some smell of smoke, some just smell funny (not BO, and not sweat, just a weird sour smell that they emit & I think they dunno it), and also coffee smells. & onion smells. Everything I don't like is just magnifiedx10 basically. hmm.. although the thought of what is going to happen in 2 months is even more scary.

千九百八十三： Late Nights

Mosaic, Habourland in Kobe (HDR)

Been swamped with work & late night calls. Golden week was really the last chance to relax although I didn't know it then. Manage to proceed along with my crocheting (but still... the pouch isn't completed yet), read a little, ate (quite alot?) and watched alot of TV.

This week has been midnight calls the whole week, all 5 days, & I don't understand why these people can't just think through things even before discussing them. We waste most of the hours discussing / reading the stuff on screen & then the last part saying let's consider this now, but there's no more time in the meeting and we have to have another meeting the next day. Anyway, I'm just glad I'm not speaking at these calls, just listening in is really enough to make me want to puke blood. I really need some sleep after a whole week of late nights, but when I wake up in the morning (when Ryo leaves for work at 7), it's so hard to fall asleep again that I'm just zombified the whole day after that. & that can't be good for my health...

I'm kind of dozing off in front of the laptop now in fact, maybe I should go take a quick nap. (>.<) good night!

千九百八十二： Spring!

Grom in Firenze, Italy

The weather has finally turned warmer! But I blame myself for being lazy, even though it's almost bright & sunny everyday, I'm just filled with too much inertia to go out for even a walk. Ryo has been working late the whole of this week, which makes it even harder to go out by myself (just because I'm feeling too lazy to) and eating all meals alone is not fun. If there is only me in the house, I'm very lazy to cook something proper, and alot of meals seem to be leftovers from Ryo's breakfast (miso soup & rice) or instant noodles, or canned food. or sandwiches meaning bread with peanut butter or kaya. I lost 1kg easily this week, due to the lack of meat or the smaller than usual meals I guess (>.<)

It's Friday, which means it's almost the holidays :D Next week is Golden Week, with Public holidays on Monday, Thursday & Friday. There's a holiday in Singapore on Tuesday which means I also get to relax (& wake up at my own time) so effectively only Wednesday is a work day. Even though I have no plans for going anywhere, I'm just happy to have time to myself and not be stuck at home to the PC (again, it's just laziness, I can bring the laptop out to work but zzz, it's so hard to find seats at starbucks that have a power point). Ryo has to work most of the days though, which means I have to have my meals myself again bleahz ...  but maybe I'll think of something soon.

I feel like having an ice cream everyday, or should I say I've been eating an ice cream almost everyday, which explains the Grom picture. I feel like having Grom! Maybe I'll go have some Grom this weekend as well. I need to check if the chicken rice set at tea time at the Singapore food restaurant is really available. They should offer for lunch instead of teatime! What an irritating timeslot - 3-5pm, too late for lunch & too early for dinner.

Starting on a new project this week, which is really a headache with the piles of documentation to wade through. But at least I can't say I have no work to do. Although I'm just trying to finish up the crochet pouch in the meantime. It's taken me 6 months + (including the winter months where I just gave up on it because it was too cold to hold the crochet needle); maybe I can finally complete it in the coming month.

Will be going back to Singapore in June - looking very much forward to all the food & also the Jason Mraz concert!

千九百八十一：Travelling is not for Everyone

LV window display

I'm very much done with negativity from other people. Especially family members. All they do is complain about other people or stress me with stuff that isn't going to happen in the next half a year, and all I want to do is scream, SHUT UP! Why are you always criticising other people? It's not like you are perfect yourself, and we don't find every single chance we can to criticise you behind your back right? I really hate such hypocritical behaviour, how can you smile at someone in the face one moment and behind her say this and that about her??

I'm really glad to be back on my own this week, enjoy some peace in the house and my ears can take abit of rest. I don't want to join in those complain sessions, I get my TV and couch back and at least no one tries to boss me around in my house. I must make it clear though, it's not that I don't enjoy company; I highly look forward to friends or family coming over and visiting, but some actions are really too much to take (eg. loud proclamations of "oh it's so easy to navigate around I could have done this myself (because I make it look easy & all you did was follow me)", or reaching places of interests that I've planned and then refusing to go in because it isn't free admission (which pisses me off because you make me plan and then you come sightseeing and you don't want to go in?!), or telling me to stop because I AM TIRED when actually you are the one who wants to rest and then after that boast about how energetic you were this trip (because i planned lots of rest time in between?) etc etc. ) I mean, the trip is over, but it wasn't enough to complain during the trip, you had to call me after the trip to complain again about the other party, about money, about how I should stop showing people around because it costs me money to take trains / sightsee with people. I got really angry there. How petty can anyone get?! It really sickened me to hear such words coming from someone I'm related to, I take people around because I want to, who counts those expenses as expenses anyway?? After the phone call, I felt totally depressed and exhausted.

Apart from the negativity, all the sightseeing was quite good because I went to quite a few places that I haven't been to myself, and also managed to see sakura at several places. Caught up with my cousin, had some of mum's cooking and got a bit of break from work. (although now I need abit of a break to rest from the break) Golden week is coming up (hopefully that will be a break). Although if I could go to Hawaii or Phuket now I would be very happy as well.

千九百八十：Thoughts from the iPad

Recycled plastic bottles at the Marina Barrage 

 I'm watching the Twilight movies for the very first time & it's quite captivating so far. The movie adaptation is quite close to the book (maybe it's because it's been years since I read the book so I can't really remember). Overall it's strangely romantic, and unexpectedly violent when they killed James.

 Also realised that some things are just better done on the PC. The blogger site is formatted a little strangely on the iPad and its alot harder to type.

OK I'm now continuing this on the PC because it's just so much easier. This week feels super long. I went for 2 hospital visits on Tuesday which turned out to be a good thing because we were indoors during the typhoon-like storm. We had planned to go to Sannomiya for me to do my work in a cafe but ended up we had no time. Which was lucky for us, cos it was flooding very badly. I'm having headaches daily, I don't know is it from lack of sleep or just headaches but I must try to sleep in tomorrow until i feel that I have had enough sleep.

I realise I have alot of photo editing to do! From last year that is. I had so many ambitious plans to create photobooks from our travels but nothing has been done yet.

& I need a break! i want to go for some spa treatments! I can't wait to go back to SG actually.. even just warmer weather will probably make me feel better.

Yawning like mad now.. & thoughts are not really flowing properly. Rambling a little.. will head to bed I guess..

千九百七十九：3 years of Grief

Kobe Tower

In the blink of an eye, 2+ weeks has gone by. Every weekend seems to be super busy even though I'm not sure why, and I go into the new work week all tired out from the weekend instead of being recharged.

I went to visit Ayaka's grave last last Sunday (18-March). I had intended to go the week before that but was too tired out from coming back from Tokyo & I just couldn't wake up early on Sunday morning to make my way there. I had thought that after 3 years, the pain of the loss would have lessened,  but I realised only too late when I reached there that I was wrong. Although I seldom think of her nowadays, and I was feeling cheerful all the way there,  everything just came rushing back into my mind when I saw her grave & my breath kinda got choked up in my throat and tears started to well in my eyes. My mind was blank but apparently grief is like a reflex action that didn't need any thoughts to be triggered. Ryo helped me to get water to clean up the gravestone, but it was raining anyway (it always rains when I visit her) so I placed some gerberras in the vases and lit up some incense for her. You know in movies, people speak to the dead aloud, in the cemetery, but I can't do that (I can't talk to myself aloud even), & I tried my best to make my thoughts to her heard over the sound of the raindrops & my sniffling, to let her know that we still miss her, and what updates I had in my life in the past year. Ryo was holding the umbrella for me, and I was really glad he was there with me because I felt so exhausted (perhaps with grief) after visiting her that I was just kinda hanging on to him for support as we made our way down to the busstop.  I was very much incapacitated of speech (it was like something switched off inside me) during the first year of her death that I just felt like I didn't have much to say to anyone and there was nothing really worth saying anyway, since we all die someday, especially words that hurt other people, words you end up regretting when you lose someone dear to you suddenly. I felt like that for the whole day afterwards, & I guess Ryo felt it so he was extra nice to me that day and I really appreciated it. I guess I have to try to let go, (I thought I had) but it just doesn't feel right to do so. Maybe someday it will happen.

Last weekend, we were invited to a brass band performance by Ryo's colleague; she was performing in it as an alumni. It was quite good (I only fell asleep in the middle when the current students were performing) for most of it, they performed very upbeat songs like the march from the Disneyland electrical parade, circus town etc. After that we brought Tamoto-san and her son to Harbourland since they seldom were in Kobe and the little boy was so fascinated by everything. Luckily he was quite a cheerful boy, even when he was tired he just said quietly to his mum that he was tired of walking for his mum to carry instead of wailing like some brats you see around you.

This week seems to be quite a busy week workwise (which is a good thing) but actually I'm feeling very lethargic and I really am feeling the need to go to some resort and just nua away for a week to rest.. :x I should start doing some holiday researching.

千九百七十八：Tokyo 2012

Wedding couple at Meiji Shrine

2nd last day of a 16-day stay in Tokyo & I'm ready to go home!

It was a hectic 10 days last week when the guys came to Tokyo for the marathon, & all the sightseeing and running around took quite abit out of me. I'm a very lazy traveller, meaning I like to wake up late, I like to take my time to see the sights and slowly walk around and see the streets and shops, instead of trying to cover as many places as I can in a day so a very tight schedule is not for me since I get tired quite easily and I don't have that much energy to stay on my feet the whole day. Despite the lack of energy, I had enthusiasm, & I tried to be a good guide for them, (although I'm really a tourist in the Tokyo area myself) and I did enjoy myself 90% of the time. The horrible parts of the trip was the freezing weather, the lack of sunlight for most of it, the rain & the super cold winds. Which led to alot of shivering and keeping my head down and being unable to properly enjoy myself and take photos because my fingers / body were so cold. This week seems to be better, with 2 days about 15degrees, but rain the rest of the day. where is the sunshine!?

I'm glad I stayed an extra week, was able to catch up with other friends in Tokyo and just catch up with some rest. Also basically to go to the shops I want to go/eat the non-japanese food that I want to eat w/o feeling bad about dragging the Singaporeans to and wasting their precious travel time.

The new iPad has been announced & I'm quite tempted to get one. But I still actually can't find a need for it. I think Ryo has more of a need for it than me actually. Since I already have a Kindle, I won't be reading on the iPad except for magazine subscriptions (which I'm actually too stingy to take out except for Runner's world). If you are looking at the iPad on the train, everyone around u can see what you are looking at. hmmmm... maybe it's just the impulse of the moment, hopefully I will stop thinking about it.

I want to go Itoya tomorrow again (properly slowly walk around) before going back to Osaka. This is going to be a busy weekend!

千九百七十七：Winter

Huat for 2012!

Finally got down to blogging today, after such a long break. FQR12 projects just ended last night, which is why today is quite a free day. (ok there's work but I'm just giving myself a break until deadlines loom near) Going to catch up on some reading hopefully.

I'm also back in Japan & not very happy about the weather. It's freezing here! There's some sort of cold drift across the whole country, and usually Kobe is sorta warmish, less than 10 degrees but never less than 0 degrees,  but this time it went to negative at night and I did not see any snow yet. humph! Last night was the coldest night so far, I just couldn't sleep because my face was freezing and in the end I buried myself (including my head) under the blankets before finally getting warm enough to fall asleep. I hope this doesn't get worse..

The last 2 weeks in SG went by in a blur. It seems to always be that I'm quite free & relaxed until the last 2 weeks when suddenly there just isn't enough time to meet up with everyone and do everything I want to do. I managed to go to Marina Barrage (very inconvenient place to get to without a car although it is a very relaxing environment, good for a picnic or just to lie down on the grass & enjoy the sky), take a ride on the Singapore Flyer (hmm.. a little overrated I guess, but the view was beautiful at night on the MBS side, and I'm glad I did it once), and went to the Singapore Botanic Gardens (fed swans with a friend's daughter, it was fun!) I didn't have time to catch Wicked, which was a pity, given that I've heard so many good reviews. But then, I'm really more of a play person, musicals just don't captivate me as much. I think my favourite is still The Inspector Calls with my sister & Calvin in London, that was hilarious and kept us in stitches the whole time. Maybe next time.

Chinese New Year was quite subdued this year, perhaps because there's only 2 weekdays and people are still tired after the Christmas & New Year holidays. With so many festivals back to back, who would have the mood to keep celebrating. (& also no mood to work at all for December/January) It was work for me for both days, which was good because it meant no need to give angbaos hehe.. and I don't really enjoy making small talk. Although at the end of it, I realised I did miss eating the CNY goodies, but it was too late, because we didn't have any at home.

Ryo is away for a week or so, which makes this short month with each other even shorter. After he comes back, we have around a week together before I go to Tokyo to meet up with the marathon people for a week plus. & we would have been married for 3 years after end of this month. How fast! Perhaps it's all the flying and being apart but it feels alot shorter than that. Which also means that our dear friend has left us for almost 3 years. The worst part is that it happened so soon after the wedding that every time I think about the anniversary, it will also be time for hers. I think of her less often now, but the sadness that comes up every time she comes to mind is overwhelming. The annual visits will be continued for as long as I can, but if I ever forget in future, I hope it will only mean that we are finally at peace with her being in heaven.

千九百七十六：2 more weeks

These moments are the reason why you have kids (not my kid..) 

Almost Chinese New Year, time really flies. 2 more weeks in Singapore & I'll be going back to Japan. I think I'm going to watch Wicked alone, the ticket is quite expensive to ask anyone else to go with me (no one else around me seems interested anyway).. & go to marina barrage to just see the real thing for myself and relive the peacefulness of lying on the grass (hope it's clean) or maybe fly a kite. Have tickets for the flyer, & will head to the botanic gardens to try to figure out my way around. Now it's so warm, it might not be that great an idea though, but I do want to walk around the place before I run out of energy to do so.

on a totally irrelevant note, I'm kind of trying to get kinder bueno to eat (white version) but everytime I see it I forget to buy it.

I've read 4 books so far, including Steve Jobs (the biography). It's pretty inspiring, in the sense that although he was such a control freak & perfectionist with very bad temper and eccentricities, he succeeded in making everyone around him see things his way & came up with the products we are using daily. And the Kindle choose to break down right when I was reaching the end of the book. (T.T) Luckily for the iPhone. I was able to upload a pdf version into my phone and finish reading it on iBooks. This is when I agreed with Steve saying all other products are crap. To give Amazon some credit, they immediately agreed to send a replacement Kindle (but to Japan?! how am I going to survive the next few weeks on the bus!?) because it seems like it was a common issue. and of course my Kindle was still within warranty. I guess I have to read real books on the bus for the next few weeks..

My appetite is improving, less nausea and less diarrhoea. turns out that i'm now lactose intolerant - which had led to the few weeks of very bloated feeling, tummyaches and nausea. & of course these led to no energy, no appetite as well as fatigue (as anyone would feel after going to the loo for the fifth time in a day)

As much as I'm enjoying being around friends and family, I miss being home in Japan. (not the cold though) I miss watching CSI on my big TV, or just tinkering around my plants, my kitchen and just lazing on my sofa. I miss going jogging, (totally no mood to run here due to the weather) and I just miss the supermarket outings once a week with Ryo. After shopping, he would load everything into the bicycle so that I don't have to carry anything, and then he would cycle like mad trying to catch up with me while i run as fast as I can home. & then we would both reach the lobby of the apartment panting like mad & laughing at each other for being silly. sighz.. after 2 weeks you'll read about me missing Singapore instead..

千九百七十五：2012 Resolutions

Teddy Bears at the ArtScience Museum

As usual, checking if I've fulfilled my resolutions for 2011 in my first post of 2012.
2011 resolutions : http://booboogal.blogspot.com/2011/01/2011-resolutions.html

1. Running - 80km monthly, Run a half marathon by June, a Full marathon by end of the year. - Done the last 2, the first one only managed it for  April / May 2011 .. oops.. 
2. Photography - Improve on skills with all lenses. - hmmmmmm.. some commented my photos have improved (could be editing skills improved though) need to take more photos with the Macro lens though
3. French - Take classes and get to finish book 1 of the text book. - damn..... I think I didn't finish the book, had around 3-4 chapters left to go.. maybe I should try to clear this goal this year. 
4. Spend more time at home in JPN. seriously need to improve variety of food i can cook. & to try to wake up earlier... - I did manage to wake up earlier towards the end of the year. Also manage to only visit SG with a gap period of 6 months, but travelled alot everywhere else from June to December. Maybe I should be more  concrete about this as well (>.<) food variety probably not increased at all, have to try harder next year. 
5. Read /write more. & love myself alot more.. - Fulfilled my reading goal of 50 books from July-December2011!  -> check out the widget at the side. Made a conscious effort to blog more as well , tried to do a biweekly thing, if not weekly, instead of once a month update on my blog. Should have separated out the 2nd half of this resolution , because it is totally not linked to the first half. I have made some hard decisions in December, & will be adding them on to my resolutions for 2012 as well. & am seriously tired of all the mental strain from all the toxic relationships. 

2012 Resolutions on the way: 
1. Read more (80 books at least this year) - must try to read 2 books a week!? oops .. this didn't sound like that much when I finished 50 books in 5 months. 
2. Only be nice to people who deserve it. - hence my resolution yesterday of don't bother asking about pple's day if they are not interested in yours. (seriously, isn't it just courtesy to ask how about you? even after you reply a really boring answer because if the person didn't want to know, he or she wouldn't have asked in the first place. Since they have no interest in your day whatsoever, by just putting a stop to the conversation, i guess they don't need my concern in the first place. ) 

3. Detox my life. Cut off toxic/ poisonous people who call themselves my friends/family yet show no concern for me or my well-being or my life whatsoever (these people are usually self-centred, gets angry easily with me yet never reflects on their own behaviour to check if they themselves are guilty of such behaviour & speak without care if they hurt others.)  Holding on to such relationships only serve to put myself under tremendous mental strain & I'm currently under enough as it is. 

4. Appreciate my parents more. Not much time in their lives as they get older.. which means less time for me as well. Despite all the rebellious situations when I was younger, 

5. Again, be in Japan more. 

6. Finish my French elementary lessons (at least!!). 

Spent New Year's Day & the day after at home almost sleeping throughout. Perhaps because I stayed out on New Year's eve and it's been awhile since I had actually slept so late. The horrible situation of not being able to get any cab is really a turnoff for any future festive seasons though. Why can't they leave the SMRT to run for 24 hours on Xmas & New Year's Eve when they can do that for the marathon? But was a first time I actually ushered in the new year at a club/drinking venue, had quite a good time. Xinhuan visited with her family & her kids are already so grown up. 


Xmas was a quiet affair, but enjoyed myself nevertheless. I think. 


Am really hoping this year to be a good year (for everyone around me, not just me). All the best to everyone!

千九百七十四：Festivities

View of the Esplanade from the SkyPark

The festivities are upon us! 2011 is coming to an end and it's been a lazy cheerful mode in the country. With so much excitement in the air, of many things that happened, the major incident being  the SMRT breaking down leading to people being unable to buy their presents - seems abit stupid to me because can't they take buses or cabs? or just that the news programs all happen to interview dumbos?

I haven't had a Christmas in Singapore for 2 years, and it was nice being around for gifts exchanges & Xmas dinners which really added to the atmosphere compared to me being alone at home during the non-public holiday in Japan usually. Visited the Art Science museum, managed to see the Titanic & Cartier exhibition as well, ($24 for Singaporeans - ask for the Singaporean prices at the counter!) and despite the wet weather over the past week, it has been pretty good in terms of events so far. I am feeling better in terms of health, perhaps I can resume light running in a week or so. Met up with secondary school friends as well, & despite the fiasco at the end of the dinner, we had a pretty good time catching up.

A wedding lunch on New Year's eve, parents' wedding anniversary dinner next week or today probably.. Seems like the year will end pretty well :)