千八百六十三： Kobe & Kyoto Tour

Manami came over, to visit Ayaka's grave so she stayed over the weekend and we went to Kobe & Kyoto area to sightsee.

Some photo highlights:

Kobe Tower view

Okonomiyaki - the chef did the marbled pic with the mayonaise :D

清水寺 - KyoumizuTera in Kyoto - World Heritage Site

& the latest starbucks Bearista bears for the tiger year.

More detailed post coming up over the next week.
Long long new year holidays until 3-JAN!!!! woohoo!

千八百六十二： Merry Christmas

Sighz.

Kinda having a lonely xmas at home. Ryo didn't even replying my Merry Xmas message. & everyone's out partying.

千八百六十一： XOXO

been getting the regular dose of Gossip Girl thanks to Shinji, other than that nothing really seems to be worth watching nowadays.

ryo is at work today again. maybe tomorrow as well.

feeling much better now compared to the rut of the past 2 weeks, emotionally better but I guess still not that great. Work wise picking my やる気 back up a little, but don't really know what I want to do also.

Booked a tix on Ryo's JAL miles to London to see my sis + France :) First time i'm flying to europe, kinda excited. but it's quite far 16 hours, and a little worried about the cold, my sis said it's -3 today. & going to detour to Sweden to visit as well, since there are friends living there. Wondering if I should head down to Italy/Rome also? a little bit of something to look fw to now. But because of this trip, with maybe a consecutive trip to sg for work after that, & in btw Ryo is away to US for a 2 wk work trip, I won't see Ryo until March. We sort of counted how much time we lived together after getting married, total of about 6 months? hahaha. oops...

Have to finish up the cards.. was so busy with work yesterday that I couldn't do anything about the cards. have to get them done today.

千八百六十： Shutting down.

If only it's that easy to shut down.

you know how horrible it is to kena the silent treatment through no fault of your own? It's like being punished for something I didn't do, when the other party is one of the very few people I talk to when I'm all alone here most of the time. there are people u can ping to talk about anything & everything, like wat u ate / did yesterday, how you didn't sleep well because of nightmares, complain about work, especially when work is almost giving me a mental breakdown now. how many pple do u actually say these things to? it's the closest people you hurt unknowingly, when all they try is to cheer u up in whatever way they can. perhaps being a lamb is not the way, it just gives pple the feeling they can step all over you and only call upon you when they need something. i know because I'm like that sometimes, but only about 10% of the time i guess. Who doesn't take other people for granted sometimes? but even these people who stays by your side get tired of waiting for you to pick yourself up. they might still try, but will probably drift off during the wait..

ok, in the midst of writing this, i got a call from Redmond saying my lead volunteered me to help them out so was i OK?
!!? at least ask / let me know right? i'm like involved in all the projects now. I don't mind doing the work, but again, at least ask??? or he doesn't see how overloaded i am...

yesterday ryo said he ordered an xmas cake. this was a pleasant surprise. after that he said, but.. he wont be around like today, as in today he went tokyo and wont be back.. and he'll be at the office the whole weekend, and next week most of the week in tokyo as well, including xmas eve & only coming back really late on xmas. abit of wondering who will collect the cake & why bother? the shops will be closed by the time he finishes anyway..

I think i'm going to go blind from all the crying. & the lack of sleep. couldn't fall asleep last night thinking of everything and wondering if i'm ever going to complete everything.

if anyone wants to reach me, they have my email / fb. Mental breakdown soon.

千八百五十九： Emotions

Feeling abit weird these few days..

- was re-reading & writing on ayaka's blog & I started crying. I thought I was ok already by now. but maybe it was the work stress + mental instability this week due to the work stress that left me very vulnerable to tears.
- that evening, i read a whole email exchange from a girl who refused to take back her responsibility of some project that I was helping out with (ended up doing ALL the most tedious stuff which is like almost everything) & the supposed "lead" of the team. The lead kept taking her side when she said she couldn't do this & that & I was so angry because I'm not even asking her to do anything difficult except set up the meetings to get approval & she insisted she couldn't that she agreed to take the project back only after I've completed certain tasks "as agreed". Agreed with who???? I didn't agree on any terms, I agreed to "help out". wth!? Got so mad i felt so overwhelmed & could only think of calling my ex-manager to ask him to help & ended up crying on the phone when I heard his voice. :S Only managed to calm down after almost an hour. but still .. motivation all gone.
- heard a friend's sad story & i don't know why tears just came to my eyes.
- today i realised that i wouldn't have a xmas tree this year after going all around to try to find one & I just started crying. in the middle of daiso. Poor Ryo was so shocked, he didn't know it meant so much to me, to have a tree in our place for the first time ever in my lift. sighz. never mind.. next year bah..

Think alot more tears will be coming, just have been feeling mentally exhausted especially with work. today had a good yakiniku (焼肉）dinner with Ryo & his brother's family, his bro was a big help this morning in getting a new battery for the car. The xmas cards are going well, but taking abit more effort than I thought. Hope the recipients will like them even though they are a little simple :)

千八百五十八： Diet works!

Ok I'm very happy to announce that I've lost 3kg in a week and a half by good dieting & exercising alot. Must carry this on!! woohoo! weight is down back to 48kg (^.^)v

千八百五十七： Autumn

Been stuck with work the past 2 weeks after coming back to Japan, finally managed to settle down a little. & to start getting thinner. everyone says I've become rounder. :S

trying to actively :

• eat less carbo = rice?
• exercise more - have set up wii and playing shape boxing and going gym regularly and run abit more.
• eat more high fibre foods - cereal for breakfast (T.T)
• eat alot more vegetables & less meat.

The actions worked a little, have lost 2 kg since I came back.. hopefully can attain my ideal weight soon? or at least lose the tummy. grrr

We went to kyoto to see autumn leaves yesterday and it seems like there aren't that many trees that turn yellow this year.

The autumn sky was really nice but it was quite cold at Arashiyama yesterday. The time was about 4.30pm and the sun was already setting. Ryo said that Kyoto is always colder than Osaka because it was located in a basin.

The autumn leaves at the train station were the best looking ones :P